See, mom? We do play well with others! It appears an enterprising Falcons fan happened to stumble across our humble little blog here and start a thread on the Falcons message board. Most of the commentary is good natured so we’re having a good time with it. Special thanks to the gentleman who complimented our writing. As to the name attracting more 12 year olds than adults, you’re probably right as well. That said, it only makes sense to write to our own maturity levels.

We do want to clear up one potential misconception. We don’t dislike Matt Ryan. Quite the opposite. In fact, we love him. Not only does he have a rifle for an arm, he can poop himself mid game and not miss a step. As one of the Falcons message board readers astutely pointed out, they thrashed my hapless Rams that game behind a big performance from our blog’s namesake. Ryan is a winner in our book.

The Anatomy of Men

Not THAT anatomy you sick puppies… It bears mentioning that in last night’s LA Kings St. Louis Blues playoff game, Dwight King and BJ Crombeen settled things as they should be settled. Not with cheap shots or slashes, but with fists in a fair fight. In Game 1, King put Blues stud defenseman Alex Pietrangelo in the boards with a hit from behind. It wasn’t necessarily dirty, but it caused an injury forcing Pietrangelo to miss game 2. Well, you don’t take out the stud players without retribution, but kudos to Crombeen. He didn’t go after Kopitar or Doughty. He went to King and challenged him to a fair fight. King, knowing he owed the Blues to at least answer to his transgression, obliged. I don’t know, I just thought it bore mentioning during a playoffs tarnished by the actions of guys like Raffi Torres, Bryan Boyle, Matt Carkner, Shea Weber, Byron Bitz, and others.

Hey, did something happen in the Clippers game?

What kind of a heartless jackass taunts a seriously injured player? Apparently, a shoe designer. Nike needs to grow a pair and fire the guy.

Just like Gregg Williams needs a lifetime ban. I’ve now read his quote about 100 times about, “doing everything possible to kill Frank Gore’s head.” It gets worse every time. And seriously, why do they keep calling this guy a good defensive coordinator? Wasn’t it his defense that gave up 38 points to the 49rs, not exactly an offensive juggernaut in the playoffs? I thought so.

I’ve been searching the NFL draft recaps long and hard to try to find a team that drafted worse than my Rams again. (explanation on that in a moment). I finally found it. Jacksonville, Brian Anger, really? Why would you use a third round pick on a punter, the player who ideally your team uses as infrequently as possible? It makes zero sense.

Back to the F+ grade I’m giving the Rams. Yes, they got some good players. Brockers figures to be good, as does Janoris Jenkins. Speaking of, if you were a NFL team thinking about drafting Jenkins, wouldn’t you make it contingent upon him having a vasectomy? Come to think of it, if you’re a male pro athlete, why WOULDN’T you get one!? I digress, the Rams watched their golden investment, Sam Bradford take unspeakable beatings all season long before he mercifully shut it down the last 6 games of last season. How was offensive line not the primary need at the draft? Not taking David DeCastro with their first rounder as he sat there waiting for them is the single most ridiculous decision they could have made. Not only did they fail to do the obvious, they compounded that mistake by not addressing the line with any of their three second round picks, or their third. Finally, in the fourth round, they take a kid who projects as… well, a project. I had hoped that incompetence was merely a trait of the Rams’ previous regimes, but alas, it must actually be the team. When respected minds like Jeff Fisher and Les Snead can’t get the obvious right, what the heck else could it be?

As a Rams fan, I love Bradford, and it’s going to pain me greatly when he suffers a season ending and possibly career threatening injury in the first third of the 2012 NFL season. You heard it here first.

Was originally gonna be the jerk that called Mohamed Sanu informing him he was being drafted in the first round by the Bengals.  But instead, it will go to a fan at the Dodger game.  It came in the third at bat for Bryce Harper, the stadium is in the middle of the wave, and a fan stands up, turns around, and drops trow.  Ass in all its glory right behind the plate, just as Harper swings and connects with a double over Matt Kemp’s head.  Replays are delayed as the truck scrambles to find a replay that doesn’t show ass.  Before they even manage to get a replay, I have taken a picture and blasted it onto twitter, as seen here.  I got many great responses, then 15 minutes later Deadspin posts the video and you know it will be topic of conversation on sports radio come Monday.  So, I will also give the future douche of the week to all those media folks who take credit for seeing it, when we all know the place to turn for random stories of unfortunate ass shots is right here, at The Stain.

Today is one of the best nights you get in sports.  Obviously, it is the NFL draft, and that is about as big as the Super Bowl these days.  But, while my eyes will be glued to the draft, my hand will venture over to the remote a few times tonight due to the other fascinating events.  In the NBA, the sport I rarely watch, I want to see if the Bobcats can pull off the worst winning percentage in NBA history and set the record for most consecutive losses to end a season.  Then there is the Laker game.  Kobe Bryant needs 38 points to win the scoring title.  If he does, he will become the second oldest player to ever win it, Jordan has twice done it at an older age.  The best part of it will be watching Kobe throwing up wild shot after wild shot with no regard for his teammates or the score.  Oh, and then there are the two seventh games in the NHL which are always crazy and must see TV.  And of course I get to watch the Red Sox suck again.  Needless to say, tonight is a night to grab your favorite six pack, sit in your favorite spot, loosen up your fingers, and get ready for an active TV night.

As Shaun mentioned, we have a little contest going to see who can predict the most first round draft picks in the upcoming NFL draft correctly. Here are mine. Snide comments are welcome.

1. Indianapolis – Andrew Luck, QB – Analysis is dumb here. He’s the best player, Indy has the first pick. Analysis over.
2. Washington – Robert Griffin III, QB – They didn’t trade up with the Rams so they could pick Brock Osweiler… just sayin…
3. Minnesota – Matt Kalil, OT – I’m more sure about this pick than I am about the first two, and that’s saying something
4. Cleveland – Trent Richardson, RB – Fan favorite Peyton Hillis is gone, and someone other than Montario Hardesty, Cleveland faithful can only hope, has to carry the ball.
5. Tampa Bay – Morris Claiborne, CB – If he’s available and Richardson is not, as I expect, you can etch it in granite.
6. Saint Louis – Justin @#$%ing Blackmon, WR – I still think he’s overrated, and the Rams have a dreadful record with personnel decisions (see Williams, Gregg)
7. Jacksonville –  Reilly Reiff, OT – Maybe Blaine Gabbert can throw after all. He’ll have to remain upright for that to happen
8. Miami – Ryan Tannehill, QB – I will never understand how Shaun Hill isn’t considered good enough. I just. Don’t. Get it.
9. Carolina – Melvin Ingram, DE – If they don’t shock everyone and pick Michael Floyd. Which is what I would do.

10.  Buffalo – Michael Floyd, WR – Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka the $66 million Shaun Hill, needs someone to complement Stevie Johnson.

11.  Kansas City – David DeCastro, G – Instant all-pro guard should probably go even higher but won’t over some stupid value perception on interior linemen.

12.  Seattle – Fletcher Cox, DT – Unfathomable value here, and they’ve already quietly built what’s becoming an elite defense.

13.  Arizona – Quinton Coples, DE – If I didn’t put him here, I likely would have forgotten about him until too late and looked stupid…

14.  Dallas – Stephon Gilmore, CB – Reach? Maybe. But not because he isn’t good, and the Cowboys’ secondary needs help.

15.  Philly – Luke Kuechly, LB – If he’s here, this pick will take the Eagles all of about 1.7 seconds to make.

16.  Jets – Cordy Glenn, OL – Versatile lineman makes sense here, so the Jets probably won’t do it, but they ought to.

17.  Cincy – Kendall Reyes, DT – Not the physical freak that Dontari Poe is, but a more complete player at this point, therefore a safer pick.

18.  San Diego – Chandler Jones, DE – SD defense with Merriman back in the day? Good. Without him? Fail sandwich. Jones is good.

19.  Chicago – Mark Barron, S – Even though it’s not 100% accurate anymore, I still equate Chicago with defense, and Barron is good.

20.  Tennessee – Dontari Poe, DT – Lacks polish, but also lacks the Haynesworth psychosis… and this team was at its best with a dominant DT.

21.  Cincinnati – Michael Brockers, DT – More polished, slightly lower ceiling than Poe.

22.  Cleveland – Stephen Hill, WR – He’d give McCoy the vertical threat to complement Greg Little’s excellent possession game.

23.  Detroit – Dre Kirkpatrick, CB – Clearly the secondary is a need after Matt Flynn lit them up for one of the greatest fantasy games in history

24.  Pittsburgh – Jonathan Martin, OT – Unless they want to bury Big Ben soon, keeping him standing will be a top priority

25.  Denver – Bobby Massie, OT – Don’t think the Broncos will want to protect Peyton? You’re wrong.

26.  Houston – Whitney Mercilus, DE – A certain super Mario is no longer here, and that changes the Texans’ draft priorities, I venture to say.

27.  New England – Kendall Wright, WR – Tom Brady makes this pick. He told me so. Ok, no he didn’t. But it makes sense.

28.  Green Bay – Harrison Smith, S – He’s probably a quiet top 20 talent, but needs of others have him fall a wee bit

29.  Baltimore – Courtney Upshaw, OLB/DE – They might look for another Adalius Thomas type…

30.  San Francisco – Rueben Randle, WR – Really think Randy Moss is the answer? Me neither…

31.  New England – Alfonso Dennard, CB – I think he’s better value than most… if I’m right, it won’t be anything Pats management doesn’t know too.

32.  Giants – Devon Still, DT – Doesn’t fit the scheme, but value is value.

I’m guessing I get about 5 of these right, but only 3 wouldn’t shock me.

Shaun was kind enough to start a weekly feature where the Stain will spotlight someone in the sports world who… well, acted like a douche. Now, I’m kind enough to offer you a double dose.

Douche #1: Phoenix Coyotes forward Raffi Torres

Talk about an idiot… this guy has a history of dirty play and in a high profile playoff series decides to take a deliberate headshot at Chicago Blackhawks star Marian Hossa. Maybe his 25 game suspension was heavy handed, maybe it wasn’t. But he hurt his team. Not to mention his wallet. He’ll forfeit 20 grand plus in salary for every game he misses next season if the Coyotes fail to make it far enough or play enough games for the suspension to run its course this season. That’s a lot of coin.

Douche #2: Metta World Peace

That should actually be enough. What kind of an idiot changes his name to that? The same kind of idiot who throws an elbow at an unsuspecting opponent, causing an injury and getting ejected right as the playoffs are approaching. He shouldn’t get 25 games, but hopefully he gets enough to have the Lakers send him packing. After all, he hasn’t done much of anything helpful this season.

Bonus Douche: Tim McCarver

Listening to him do color on baseball games is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Seriously. Retire already.

(After Posting the original, I heard of the Mike Adams positive marijuana test, so I have gone back and made a few adjustments…so here is the real final mock)

Here it is, my final mock draft before the NFL draft.  Torsten will likely be getting one out early next week, and we will be placing a friendly wager on who gets the most first round picks correct.  This will be a 3 round mock with a handful of other guys I like late in the draft.

Round 1

1) Indianapolis Colts – Andrew Luck – QB – Stanford

2) Washington Redskins – Robert Griffin III – QB –

3) Minnesota Vikings – Matt Kalil – OT – USC

4) Cleveland Browns – Trent Richardson – RB – Alabama

5) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Morris Claiborne – CB – LSU

6) St. Louis Rams – Justin Blackmon – WR – Oklahoma State

7) Jacksonville Jaguars – Melvin Ingram – OLB/DE – South Carolina

8) Miami Dolphins – Ryan Tannehill – QB – Texas A&M

9) Carolina Panthers – Fletcher Cox – DT – Mississippi State

10) Buffalo Bills – Riley Reiff – OT – Iowa

11) Kansas City Chiefs – Dontari Poe – DT – Memphis

12) Seattle Seahawks – David DeCastro – OG – Stanford

13) Arizona Cardinals – Luke Kuechly – ILB – Boston College

14) Dallas Cowboys – Mark Barron – S – Alabama

15) Philadelphia Eagles – Whitney Mercilus – OLB/DE – Illinois

16) New York Jets – Michael Floyd – WR – Notre Dame

17) Cincinnati Bengals – Stephon Gilmore – CB – South Carolina

18) San Diego Chargers – Quinton Couples – DE – North Carolina

19) Chicago Bears – Cordy Glenn – OT/OG – Georgia

20) Tennessee Titans – Peter Konz – C – Wisconsin

21) Cincinnati Bengals – Michael Brockers – DT – LSU

22) Cleveland Browns – Dre Kirkpatrick – CB – Alabama

23) Detroit Lions – Jonathan Martin – OT – Stanford  

24) Pittsburgh Steelers – Kendall Reyes – DT – UConn

25) Denver Broncos – Devon Still – DT – Penn State

26) Houston Texans – Kendall Wright – WR – Baylor

27) New England Patriots – Shea McClellin – OLB/DE – Boise State

28) Green Bay Packers – Courtney Upshaw – OLB/DE – Alabama

29) Baltimore Ravens – Dont’a Hightower – ILB – Alabama

30) San Francisco 49ers – Stephen Hill – WR – Georgia Tech

31) New England Patriots – Chandler Jones – DE – Syracuse

32) New York Giants – Coby Fleener – TE – Stanford

Round 2

33) St. Louis Rams – Janoris Jenkins – CB – North Alabama

34) Indianapolis Colts – Alfonzo Dennard – CB – Nebraska

35) Minnesota Vikings – Harrison Smith – S – Notre Dame

36) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Doug Martin – RB – Boise State

37) Cleveland Browns – Brandon Weeden – QB – Oklahoma State

38) Jacksonville Jaguars – Alshon Jeffrey – WR – South Carolina

39) St. Louis Rams – Bobby Massie – OT – Mississippi

40) Carolina Panthers – Zack Brown – OLB – North Carolina

41) Buffalo Bills – Andre Branch – DE – Clemson

42) Miami Dolphins – Josh Robinson – CB – UCF

43) Seattle Seahawks – Nick Perry – DE – USC

44) Kansas City Chiefs – Mike Adams – OT – Ohio State

45) Dallas Cowboys – Brandon Thompson – DT – Clemson

46) Philadelphia Eagles – Lavonte David – OLB – Nebraska

47) New York Jets – Bobby Wagner – OLB – Utah State

48) New England Patriots – Jerel Worthy – DT – Michigan State

49) San Diego Chargers – David Wilson – RB – Virginia Tech

50) Chicago Bears – Kevin Zeitler – OG – Wisconsin

51) Philadelphia Eagles – Jayron Hosley – CB – Virginia Tech

52) Tennessee Titans – Rueben Randle – WR – LSU

53) Cincinnati Bengals – Lamar Miller – RB – Miami (FL)

54) Detroit Lions – Trumaine Johnson – CB/S – Montana

55) Atlanta Falcons – Dwight Bentley – CB – Louisianna-Lafayette

56) Pittsburgh Steelers – Zerbie Sanders – OT – Florida State

57) Denver Broncos – Chase Minnifield – CB – Virginia

58) Houston Texans – Ben Jones – C – Georgia

59) Green Bay Packers – Vinny Curry – DE – Marshall

60) Baltimore Ravens – Markelle Martin – S – Oklahoma State

61) San Francisco 49ers – Jeff Allen – OT – Illinois

62) New England Patriots – Brandon Boykin – CB – Georgia

63) New York Giants – Mychal Kendricks – ILB – California

Round 3

64) Indianapolis Colts – Kelechi Osemele – OT – Iowa State

65) St. Louis Rams – Chris Polk – RB – Washington

66) Minnesota Vikings – Mohamed Sanu – WR – Rutgers

67) Cleveland Browns – Jared Crick – DE – Nebraska

68) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Ronnell Lewis – OLB – Oklahoma

69) Washington Redskins – Jason Criner – WR – Arizona

70) Jacksonville Jaguars – Mitchell Schwartz – OT – California

71) Buffalo Bills – Dwayne Allen – TE – Clemson

72) Miami Dolphins – Bruce Irvin – OLB – West Virginia

73) Miami Dolphins – Amini Silatolu – OG – Midwestern State

74) Kansas City Chiefs – Sean Spense – OLB – Miami (FL)

75) Seattle Seahawks – Alameda Ta’amu – DT – Washington

76) Houston Texans – Mike Martin – DT – Michigan

77) New York Jets – Brandon Taylor – S – LSU

78) San Diego Chargers – Brandon Mosley – OT – Auburn

79) Chicago Bears – Casey Hayward – CB – Vanderbilt

80) Arizona Cardinals – Chris Givens – WR – Wake Forest

81) Dallas Cowboys – Michael Brewster – C – Ohio State

82) Tennessee Titans – James Brown – OG – Troy

83) Cincinnati Bengals – Brandon Washington – OG – Miami (FL)

84) Atlanta Falcons – Billy Winn – DE – Boise State

85) Detroit Lions – Josh Kaddu – OLB – Oregon

86) Pittsburgh Steelers – George Iloka – S – Boise State

87) Denver Broncos – Brock Osweiler – QB – Arizona State

88) Philadelphia Eagles – A.J. Jenkins – WR – Illinois

89) New Orleans Saints – Cam Johnson – DE – Virginia

90) Green Bay Packers – LeMichael James – RB – Oregon

91) Baltimore Ravens – Matt McCants – OT – UAB

92) San Francisco 49ers – Isaiah Pead – RB – Cincinnati

93) New England Patriots – Senio Kelemete – OG – Washington

94) New York Giants – Philip Blake – C – Baylor

95) Oakland Raiders – Josh Norman – CB – Coastal Carolina

 

Other guys to keep an eye on:

Kirk Cousins – QB – Michigan State

Donald Stephenson – OT – Oklahoma

Orson Charles – TE – Georgia

Ladarius Green – TE – Louisianna-Lafayette

Russell Wilson – QB – Wisconsin

Michael Egnew – TE – Missouri

Malik Jackson – DE – Tennessee

James-Michael Johnson – ILB – Nevada

Chris Rainey – RB – Florida

Nick Toon – WR – Wisconsin

Ryan Lindley – QB – San Diego State

Emmanuel Acho – OLB – Texas

Tank Carder – ILB – TCU

It is never too early to start talking Cy Young in baseball, is it?  I am here to hitch my wagon to someone that is clearly the best pitcher in baseball today.  I am talking about a guy that is such a horse, he has already put together four starts.  Now, in the four starts, he did have one rough one where he only made it four and a third and gave up seven runs.  But despite that game, his ERA is still just 2.63.  In his other three starts, he has gone 8, 7, and 8 innings giving up a combined one run.  He has walked just two batters all season and has a K/9 over 6 and a WHIP of just 0.80.  He has a short wide body making him appear to be quite durable, and he may or may not have had baby fetus fat injected into his arm, giving it the fountain of youth.  I am of course talking about the one and only, 38 year old, 5’11” 270 lb. on a good day, Bartolo Colon.  His next start is against the Chicago White Sox in the only stadium big enough to hold Mr. Colon in Oakland.  His stat line just may be even better next week.  So join me while you still can, and scream from a mountain top, “I WANT BARTOLO COLON FOR CY YOUNG 2012”.  Thank you!

Yes, this will be a shameless homer piece from me. I’m entitled.

What the heck is going on with Wigan Athletic? Condemned to certain relegation a mere six weeks ago, they’ve run off four wins in five games (shoulda been five on the trot but we’ll get to that) to leap to five points clear of the drop, and apparent survival for yet another season in the top flight, before which all the pundits are likely to label them a top contender for relegation anyway. Of course, nothing is certain until it is mathematically so. They could still pick up zero points from their remaining games and get leapfrogged by two teams below them. But if they do survive this season, it will be a beautiful middle finger to the FA (Football Association). 

All season long now, and for the majority of their surprise tenure in England’s top flight of soccer, they have been victims of shocking refereeing decisions, ranging from innocent referee incompetence to full-fledged malicious and unapologetic cheating that stopped only just shy of a raised middle finger at the manager after the whistle. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Many of their 200+ top flight games the last 7 years have been refereed fairly, some calls have even gone their way. But most haven’t. While this is to be expected, as the big teams have always gotten a bit of bias from the officials, no team (I can say this with only slight bias) has been as hard done by as my beloved Latics. Over the years, they’ve had countless players sent off for marginal fouls (see Connor Sammon this year), had officials turn blind eyes while opponents throw punches (see Branislav Ivanovic this year, Paul Scholes a few years back, and more), and had too many valid goals called back and had too many illegally scored ones against them allowed to stand.

But this year has been the worst. If a conspiracy theorist ventured that forces had joined to condemn Wigan to relegation so another, potentially more profitable team could stay up, you wouldn’t be able to find evidence to the contrary. Now, did this happen? Doubtful… at least in that it was planned. But it’s undeniable that something is uneven in the scales. Right in the middle of their current hot streak, they were robbed of what could have been a win by two scarily awful decisions. Both goals scored by Chelsea were from a clear offside position, and this was the aforementioned game in which Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic through a clear punch in plain view of everyone and not so much of an eyelash was batted. In what amounts to a clear admission of unapologetic cheating by the officials in this game, referee’s chief Mike Riley actually issued an apology to Wigan… though paraphrased it could easily translate to, “Sorry, lads, we just can’t have a club of your size taking up a spot in the Prem anymore. Best of luck in the Championship next season.”

Lo and behold, six from a possible six against Man U and Arsenal, and my beloved scrappy little team that could is on the verge of another miracle top flight survival. I wait with bated breath to throw my middle finger at the FA…

On another note, I was recently pleased to find out I might possibly NOT be the only Wigan fan in North America. I have no idea, actually, where Ned Brown may be geographically, but it’s good to know I’m not the only horse in the race!  Again, I don’t think that bias has anything to do with it, but you can click here for a sample of Ned’s work as a Wigan Athletic correspondent for ESPN.

When we started this blog, we knew we had to refrain from any explicit language, and keep some relative integrity while still toeing the line and having fun with sports for us to be taken seriously at all. Now, we may be stepping out with Douche of the Week, but we are The Stain, and MTV can use the word, so why not us. Plus, as we have made clear, apparently journalistic integrity is the equivalent of a quality start these days….around average will do. All that being said, we have decided to institute a new weekly column where one of us calls out somebody in sports that simply made us shake our head or laugh at them. This won’t be where you find a Sandusky or Josh Lueke article, those will stand on their own, but more a light hearted douche.

The inagural recipient(s) are the A’s TV announcers. Now, I can’t say for sure if it was infamous catcher Ray Fosse or partner Glen Kuiper, but one said one of the most heartlessly comedic comments I have heard in a long time. Tommy Milone was the pitcher, who despite my personal bias cannot be considered a hard thrower, threw a fastball that probably only hit about 87 mph. Can’t remember the batter, but irrelevant in this story as the pitch was fouled off, and that is when the real story begins. The swing just redirects the ball enough to make catcher Kurt Suzuki to miss it, taking the redirect directly into the….how do I say this delicately…nut sack. (You are reading The Stain, we don’t say things delicately, back off) Suzuki immediate falls to the ground in the fetal position and when watching the replay, even the announcers voices get high. Suzuki gets up after a minute or two and finishes the inning, which is just another two pitches. Now, you know the one thing he wants to do is walk into the tunnel and lay down and pray for the nausea to go away, but he got to bat second in the next half inning. Now, despite all this, he gets a fastball out over the plate and puts a drive on it. The ball carries in pitcher friendly SafeCo Field, but is run down at the warning track…then the Douche of the Week winning comment comes from the booth. “Unfortunately, just an upper body swing on that one. He didn’t get much of his lower body into the swing and that cost him a home run.” Really?!?! I get you are homer announcers, but you are gonna complain about a guy who less than five minutes earlier took a fastball to the junk didn’t get enough lower body into a swing? Any other, and I mean any other, comment would have done there. “He just didn’t quite square that one up.” or “Not quite long enough on that one.” or even “Drives the ball hard, just didn’t have enough there.” (Apply your own gutter scenario to those comments now) But don’t complain that a guy who just took a ball to the balls didn’t get enough lower body into the swing. For that A’s announcers, you are the Douche(s) of the Week.

Bonus Douche: This will certainly be a repetitive feature here, and that would be Don and Jerry on NESN calling the Red Sox games. While they are horrible announcers (not in the White Sox variety, but just in baseball knowledge brought to the game) they are must watch TV. In the third inning of today’s Sox-Rays game, they spent and entire half inning discussing the bird watching club in attendance, wondering what they do at night, bringing up bats, and wondering if bats were considered birds. Meanwhile, there is a baseball game going on in front of them, and they describe none of it…meanwhile Don’s 6ish year old daughter is on her iPhone, tweeting that even she knows bats aren’t birds and that her father is a moron. Bravo NESN!