Thank you sports, you keep me feeling smart

Bryce Harper – Did you see him blow the pitcher a kiss a couple weeks ago?  Kid is gonna get drilled if he does that in the big leagues, but that is not what qualifies him for my June edition of Stupidity in sports, no, instead it is his failed attempt to earn a spot in the Mustache Ride Through Time.

 

Stanford University – Stanford is actually not the stupid ones here, but instead they have decided to remind their football recruits how stupid it would be to not go there.  They have sent out a letter to all the football recruits that shows the final BCS standings, in which they finished ranked 4th, and included the average annual salary of the graduates of each school.  It shows that the average Stanford grad makes $119,000 a year, the other teams in the top 25 average more than $39,000 less a year.  Bravo Stanford.

Texas Fisherman – If you have ever been fishing, you have lied about the size and how many fish you caught.  Well, don’t do it anymore in Texas, it can get you arrested!  That is right, Texas recently passed a bill that makes it as big a deal as a potential felony to “misrepresent the size, weight, or provenance of a fish in a fishing tournament”.  Fisherman have been guilty of cutting off the tail of a fish in order to make it fit into a category that betters the chance to win a tournament and stuffing lead weights into the stomachs of of bass to win tournaments.  They say everything is bigger in Texas, including the repercussions of your fishing stories.

Kyle Busch – He has been in the news quite a bit lately for his fueds with fellow NASCAR drivers, but one thing you may have missed was his recent speeding ticket.  Now, it is no surprise that a race car driver would get caught speeding from time to time, but Busch managed to get clocked at 128 mph in a 45 mph zone.  Pretty sure he set the high score on that rode.

Nicolas Leoz – The FIFA representative from Paraguay, was cleared of the report that he had demanded knighthood in exchange for his vote for England as host of the 2018 World Cup, but it has now been reported he has suggested England rename their FA Cup after him.  What happened to the good old days when corruption was simply leaving a duffle bag full of fresh cash would do the trick?

What Is The Stain Coming To?

There are just some things that I honestly never thought I would be doing. Not the least of which is saying that I watched a Chinese woman who I’ve never heard of win the French Open of tennis… Then again, I only know Maria Sharapova and that other chick who’s banging Enrique Iglesias. And then there’s that other one with all the substance abuse issues in the 90s… And that one who got stabbed… But that’s not even the point. Point is, I’m now sitting on the couch watching Baylor and Missouri battle it out in the women’s college softball World Series and it’s scoreless through 12. Each starting pitcher is STILL IN, each has made more than 160 pitches, they’ve combined for nearly 30 strikeouts, given up a combined 7 hits, and are still hitting 70 on the speed gun… which is about the MLB equivalent of 98. Oh, and the pitcher from Missouri made 90+ pitches in another game this afternoon for a healthy total of about 250 for the day. Eat your heart out, Nolan Ryan.

Watching Jonathan Papelbon and Jason Varitek get tossed by Tony Randazzo in the Red Sox A’s game today for arguing balls and strikes warmed my heart a little today. Nothing like blowing a lead in the ninth and blaming the ump for it, when it was former AL MVP Dustin Pedroia who let a game ending grounder go through his legs.

Did I miss something? Specifically, where was I when Christina Aguilera got a boob job? Holy hell, they’re huge! Beautifully huge… but geez, girl, do some cardio. Those wiggle woggle arms gotta go. What’s that? She had a kid??? Sigh… I’ve been under a rock…

Top 13, and the Baylor pitcher, some chick named Canion, is visibly tiring… after a beautiful TWELVE scoreless innings!!! Every major league pitcher, listen up. You’re a gigantic wussy. Take it from this tough guy here. HONEY! THERES NOT ENOUGH OJ IN MY MIMOSA!!!

Terrorists have infiltrated American motor sports!

Ok, maybe a bit of an over-reaction, but seriously, did you watch racing on Sunday?  JR Hildebrand has a huge lead in the Indy 500 and inexplicably slams into the wall on the final turn.  Then in the Coca-Cola 600, Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a decisive lead and runs out of gas on the final lap.  At first glance, this may be just an odd coincidence, but I say nay….I blame the terrorists.

Why the terrorists?  Did anyone notice what Earnhardt and Hildebrand had in common, other than the letter “d” placed in odd spots in their name and could be called JR (or Jr.)?  How about the fact that both cars were sponsored by the US National Guard, and on Memorial Day weekend when we honor those that have fallen fighting for this country, the two cars sponsored by a branch of our military fail to complete seemingly simple victories.  And is it not a subtle sign that the Earnhardt’s failure was due to the fact he ran out of gas?

Seriously, if both had won the races, you know the opening to Sportscenter on Memorial day would be a proud patriotic tribute to these two cars.  So, in a joking, conspiracy theorist sort of way, I blame the demise of the cars on who else, but terrorists. 

Thank you and happy belated Memorial Day.

More Stupidity in Sports

I got a good response to my Stupidity in Sports Smear about 6 weeks ago, and so long as sports keep supplying it, I will attempt to post a new version every month or so.  Now without further ado, time for the April/early May edition. 

Mike Leake – I know this is an old story, but still, the guy was busted for shoplifting 6 shirts under $10 a piece.  His base salary is in the $400,000 range.  I am excited when I can find shirts under $10 that I like, and I make a small fraction of Mike Leake’s salary…but apparently $60 is too much for a big leaguer to pay for a weeks worth of wardrobe.

Cal State Long Beach Cheerleaders – No, cheer leading is not a sport, but this story is just too good.  The Cal State Long Beach Cheer coach was fired and the school gave up their national title when it was discovered one of the male members of the squad was in fact a former student who no longer attended the school and was ineligible. 

Carl Lewis – He recently attempted to run for the New Jersey state Senate.  Problem, New Jersey has a four-year residency requirement to be eligible to run for Senate.  Carl Lewis “did not yet own his home in New Jersey, did not otherwise live in New Jersey, did not file his taxes in New Jersey, was not registered to vote in New Jersey and did not have his business in New Jersey” until the past year.  And while he won the first law suit, he lost the second and was determined he is not allowed to run for Senate in New Jersey.  Maybe in a few years Carl.

Jonathon Broxton – Broxton recently went on the DL with soreness in his elbow.  As of my last check, they had not figured out what is wrong with it.  Why you ask?  Simple, the bum that lost me a bet with Torsten is too friggin fat to fit in the MRI machine.  Hey Broxton, eat a salad, throw a strike, and stop sucking.  I owe Torsten a lunch because of your fat ass.

Paul Pierce – In game one of the Boston Celtics-Miami Heat series, Pierce was tossed due to his second technical foul, which was a bit questionable at the time, but when reading his text after the game, not only was it reasonable, but it made for my favorite trash talk ever.  You may remember in game 6 of the Eastern Conference final when Le’Bron James basically quit on his team.  Then there were rumors of Delonte West having…how shall we say…relations with James’ mom.  Well, West is now with the Celtics, James is with the Heat, and when the hard screen was set by Pierce and there was a bit of an altercation between Wade and Pierce, he simply said he would do the same to Wade’s mom as his buddy Delonte did to James’ mom.  A well earned technical in my book.

Tenby AFC – A very small football club in West Wales knows how to party.  During a season ending banquet, after a few beers and games of pool, one of the members of the team thought it would be fun to moon his teammates, one of his teammates too exception, shoved a pool cue in the direction of the mooning player, and firmly impaled the cue into the players…again choosing words carefully…rectum.  That is right, one guy shoved a pool cue up his teammates ass….ok, so I allowed one less than PC word slip but in a completely worthy scenario.  The Premiership players may enjoy throwing darts at kids, but in the small town clubs, it is all about sodomizing your buddies with pool cues.

And now for an attempt at creating a sign off for myself….Smear ya later.

Eh…worth a shot.

Draft Rankings

This time of year, you get a lot of sites grading drafts with A, B+, C-, etc. grades.  I don’t believe in that.  In 2007, most people would have given the Raiders an A because of their pick of big armed QB Jamarcus Russell and a RB who simply fell because of a broken leg in Michael Bush.  How does that draft look now?  In this Smear, I will simply rank the teams based on how I felt after pick 254 on Saturday evening.  May not be accurate a few years from now, but based on the guys picked, this is how I set the “power rankings” from the draft today.

1) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – This is a team that could easily have near zero productive guys out of the draft, but the potential upside and that roster makes this draft potentially epic.  Adrian Clayborn and Da’Quan Bowers are both top 10 talent with potential injury risks.  If they stay healthy, these two guys alone could make a draft.  Add Mason Foster and Ahmad Black, and you get two servicable guys at positions of need.  Allen Bradford runs too much like Blount, but RB depth was also a need.

2) Baltimore Ravens – Jimmy Smith might be the best corner in the draft if it wasn’t for his character concerns.  Torrey Smith reminds me too much of DHB, but his speed will stretch a defense opening up the veteran savy receiving corp.  Jah Reid can step in at right tackle today, making The Blindside, Michael Oher, protect Flacco’s blindside.  He is better on the right, but a quality left tackle none the less.  Add Chykie Brown and Pernell McPhee in the 5th are both late round steals and Tyrod Taylor brings an athletic back-up QB into the mix.

3) Detroit Lions – Early on, Nick Fairley was being argued as the top pick of the draft, but he slipped to 13 overall and will line up next to Ndamukong Suh making what may be the best middle of a defensive line this generation will see.  Then you look at Titus Young to be the possesion guy opposite Megatron and Mikel Leshoure to help accent Javhid Best make the Lions weapons even more lethal.

4) Cincinnati Bengals – A.J. Green is my favorite receiver out of the draft since Calvin Johnson.  I didn’t fully expect the Bengals to go in the second based on ownership, but Dalton as the fifth QB off the board is a potential steal.  I also really like Moch and Clint Bolint, both guys that can make immediate impacts in Cincy.

5) Dallas Cowboys – Tyron Smith was by far the best offensive line fit in the draft for the Cowboys.  Doug Free can now focus on being left tackle, and the Cowboys can move forward knowing they have a guy that could potentially become the best right tackle in the league.  David Arkin can start right away at the right guard, giving the Cowboys great protection for Tony Romo, but also potentially adding to one of the most versatile running games in the NFL, including the addition of DeMarco Murray.  Opposite DeMarcus Ware they will now have an excellent second round pick in Bruce Carter.  May just be a Cowboy homer here, but I really think this is a great draft for a team I usually hate after draft day.

6) Pittsburgh Steelers – Cameron Heyward in the first round…yeah, cause the Steelers need more pass rushers.  I really liked the fit of each of the first 5 picks for the Steelers.  After Heyward, they added a big offensive lineman to improve a line that was suspect in Marcus Gilbert, then added Curtis Brown to be a Nickel corner who could easily become a solid number two corner.  Then in rounds 4 and 5 they add guys who could be overlooked in this draft with Cortez Allen who will work against spread sets and could develop into the Nickel corner, and an outide linebacker in Chris Carter who I had as a third round talent.

7) Buffalo Bills – Pretty easy when you can just sit there and have Marcel Dareus fall to you in the third pick of the draft.  He will cause problems for every offense in the league this year.  Add a potential first round corner in Aaron Williams, a solid linebacker in Kelvin Sheppard, and another impact corner with Da’Norris Searcy.  Add the depth of 5 more selections, and you have a draft that could easily move this organization in the right direction.

8) Washington Redskins – I knew I would give the ‘Skins a good grade on Thursday, regardless of what they did the rest of the way when I saw them actually add draft picks through this year, and next year’s drafts.  Especially Friday when they traded back 3 times adding picks from the second round and getting Leonard Hankerson in the third round.  They let Jacksonville jump up in the first to get Gabbert, while moving back and still getting Ryan Kerrigan.  Then early in the second, to get the next nose tackle to replace the worst free agent signing in history, with Jarvis Jenkins to likely take the spot from Fat Albert.  Then take into account they added 9 more players in rounds 4-7, and the Redskins are creating competitiveness and depth to their roster.

9) Arizona Cardinals – First thing anyone says is “they didn’t get a quarterback”.  Well, they feel they can get a veteran this offseason, if there is one, and didn’t like any of the QB’s available, so they went with a guy that many feel is the best player in the draft in Patrick Peterson.  Then, one of the worst running teams in the NFL, added a talented running back in Ryan Williams to battle with Hightower and Beanie Wells, which can only improve that running game.  I also loved the Sam Acho pick in the 4th to add a pass rusher, and Quan Sturdivant, a 3rd round grade by me, in the sixth round to man the inside of the linebacking corp.

10) New England Patriots – I would have preferred they go Cameron Jordan in the first round, but I like Solder.  They have two guys that can start the season at tackle, and while you usually expect a first rounder to start right away, by mid season, Solder could very well be a franchise left tackle.  Then in the first pick of the second round, the Pats picked a guy that I absolutely love.  Ras-I Dowling is a true shut down corner, and had it not been for an injury, he would have been a first rounder.  Then at the end of the second round, Shane Vereen was picked.  If you watch the tape from two years ago, you will see a junior running back from Cal out play Javhid Best, and that guy is Shane Vereen.  He can catch, and is a big play threat, which is just what the Patriots need, plus I have known the kid since he was about 10, so I have a personal rooting interest in him.  I didn’t like the Ridley pick, but love the Mallett selection.  Mallett might be the most physically gifted QB in this years draft, but had questions about work ethic and character, what better place to turn that around than New England?  Worst case he becomes a second or third round trade piece that the Patriots use to improve the team in a few years.

11) Tennessee Titans – Most people will look at Jake Locker at 8 overall and disagree with it.  I don’t.  I really like Locker, I do feel he needs time to learn the system behind a veteran QB, but he has the ability to be a franchise QB.  They really needed an outside linebacker, and they got the second best true backer with Akeem Ayers in the second round, a guy I liked in the middle of the first round just a few months ago.  They then solidified their defensive front with Jurrell Casy in the third round and Karl Klug in the 5th. 

12) New York Giants – They went with the best available players, and it worked, although they didn’t really fill any needs.  Prince Amukamara is an absolute steal, as was Marvin Austin.  Their biggest problem in the draft is they did not come away with an impact offensive lineman which they despersately needed.

13) Cleveland Brown – Phil Taylor and Jabaal Sheard in the first two rounds will make a huge impact on that defensive front.  They really needed a WR to help stretch the field, and I don’t think Greg Little will be that.  But, the Browns did set themselves up to win the draft next year as they got the first and fourth round picks from Atlanta.  Two solid first round picks will be huge for this team in a very good AFC North.

14) Miami Dolphins – Mike Pounces was certainly a bit of a reach, and when they traded up in the second round, you had to think it was for Ryan Mallett, but instead it was for a running back in Daniel Thomas.  While I like Thomas, and he was certainly the last potential impact back left in the draft, I don’t think he is a great fit for Miami.  I did love their fourth round pick in Edmond Gates though.  He was a mid-round guy I really liked and I think can have a very good career.

15) Houston Texans – J.J. Watt will take over as a defensive end allowing Mario Williams to play standing up and be an incredible pass rusher very much the way the Cowboys use DeMarcus Ware.  Brooks Reid can rush the passer from the other side, and suddenly the worst passing team in the league will have 3 guys in the backfield on every play.  To improve the back end of the defense, they added Brandon Harris, who will certainly improve their secondary.  On Saturday of the draft, I was really focused on one QB who I feel has the skills to be a starter some day, and they got him in T.J. Yates.  Sitting behind Shaub will be incredibly beneficial, and Schaub is not exactly the most durable guy, so Yates just may make an impact in just a year or two.

16) Denver Broncos – Von Miller is a game changer, I liked Dareus better here, but Miller will be a huge help for this team.  Then in the second round they got a guy who is an absolute ball hawk of a safety in Rahim Moore.  My main concern for the Broncos after this draft, is where the defensive line help is gonna come from.  There were plenty of mid round LB talent, but very shallow on the line, which is why I think passing on Dareus was a huge mistake.

17) Chicago Bears – Gabe Carimi was a great pick and a huge steal for the Bears at what was certainly their biggest need.  Second biggest need after cutting ties with Tommy Harris is a defensive tackle, which they got in a guy who will be a poor man’s Haloti Ngata.  They didn’t have many picks late in the draft, but they did add depth at a couple postitions of need.

18) Indianapolis Colts – Anthony Castanzo and Benjamin Ijalana instantly improve the poor offensive line of the Colts.  These two guys alone make for an incredibly good and useful draft.  Most people will hardly notice this draft though, as the late round picks I don’t see making much of an impact, if any, and Peyton has never really had a good offensive line.  This draft will give Peyton more time and extend his career, but in order to make another deep playoff run, I think they needed to add depth to their thin defense.

19) San Francisco 49ers – Aldon Smith was a bit of an odd pick as he doesn’t seem to fit that system, but you have to think they have a plan for that.  Colin Kaepernick could be a really good QB.  I think the 49ers need to keep/bring in some quarterbacks to keep a real competition, and make Kaepernick earn the job, as he will have a very steep learning curve.

20) New Orleans Saints – Most have them much higher than this, and I absolutely love Cameron Jordan, but I am happy as a New England fan to trade back and allow the Saints to get Mark Ingram.  He will give the Saints a downhill running game, but I don’t feel he was a true first round value with the running backs you could get in the second round of this draft.  I don’t see anyone else in this draft having much of an impact for them.

21) San Diego Chargers – Another team I am much lower on than most, and that is mostly because I don’t see Corey Liuget fitting into this defense.  Jonas Mouton and Marcus Gilchrist in the second are both guys I am not sold on, and while I think Vincent Brown is decent, he probably could have been there in the fourth but they selected him in the third.

22) Jacksonville Jaguars – I really liked the idea to move up and get Blaine Gabbert.  I think it will prove to be one of the best moves in this draft a few years from now, and I really wanted to put them higher on my rankings,  but they didn’t get anything else of note.  Rackley is ok, and the other three picks won’t make an impact.  This draft will basically be a wash this year, but next year it will look good.

23) Green Bay Packers – Derek Sherrod is a great pick for the reigning Super Bowl champions and Randall Cobb will fit in well in that receiving corp.  My biggest issue with their draft was passing on Akeem Ayers to play opposite Clay Mathews.  They clearly needed help on the other side of their linebackers and Ayers would have been an amazing fit at the end of the first round.

24) New York Jets – Muhammad Wilkerson and Kendrick Ellis will be two massive bodies on the defensive front, but they didn’t do anything to improve their team.  They essentially replaced veterans with rookies whose ceiling are even with those veterans.  Greg McElroy will be interesting, he is a very smart QB and can serve as a quality backup to Mark Sanchez.

25) Kansas City Chiefs – Jonathan Baldwin in the first round was arguably the worst pick of the draft.  He is a mid-second to early third round wide receiver but was taken in round one.  The saving grace for this team is the fact I really like Rodney Hudson in the second, love Justin Houston in the third, and think Allen Bailey is another steal in the third round.

26) St. Louis Rams – Torsten may hate this draft, but I really like Robert Quinn, and I think he will be a huge impact guy on this team.  I was baffled by the second round pick of Lance Kendricks, but I do like both Austin Pettis and Gregory Salas.  Neither WR will be game changers, but are certainly upgrades to the cluster of below average receivers Bradford had last year.

27) Atlanta Falcons – I actually really liked the Julio Jones pick.  They gave up too much, but Jones will be a huge impact on the Falcons.  My concern is the fact it looks like this team thinks they were just one guy away from a Super Bowl, which is never a good way to look at it.  This draft will likely handcuff this organization for years to come.  They did surprise me though by getting talent despite giving away half their draft.  Akeem Dent is a really good player, Jacquzz Rodgers in the fifth round will be a Darren Sproles type guy to change the pace of Michael Turner, and Cliff Mathews was a guy I thought would come off the board in the fourth round, but they got him in the seventh.

28) Carolina Panthers – When you have the first overall pick and there is a guy there at the quarterback postion who will put butts in the seats and could be the face of a franchise, you pick him.  Time will tell if it is a decent pick or not, but that is not why they are ranked 28th in my draft rankings, it is because I did’t like a single other guy they drafted.  I want to like McClain or Fua for the Panthers sake, but I don’t, I just really don’t like what they did after their first pick.

29) Philadelphia Eagles -Danny Watkins is a good player at a position of need, but I don’t see him being an impact guy.  They made headlines by drafting Casey Mathews, but he is a homeless man’s version of his brother.  They guy will be Chris Gocong level at best.  I did like a steal in the fifth round with Dion Lewis though.

30) Minnesota Vikings – I actually won’t rip the Vikings for the Christian Ponder pick.  I think he can be a really good QB, they needed one, and he was the best available in their eys.  I will rip them for the Kyle Rudolph pick.  You already have a great tight end, and you picked the best in a horrible tight end draft in the second round?  Christian Ballard in the fourth is a steal since I had him in my second round, but that defensive liine could have used even more help, the secondary needs help, and Ponder is gonna need more depth at Offensive Tackle to keep him upright.

31) Oakland Raiders – Shocker, they went Wisniewski whose father was a Raider legend, then picked the fastest player available for the rest of the draft.  They needed corners, and got a couple, but they are speed guys, not cover guys.  They didn’t really need an offensive lineman, but I do actually like the Wisniewski selection.  I would have liked to see them add a posession receiver and a linebacker.

32) Seattle Seahawks – I had James Carpenter in the middle of the second round, Gabe Carimi and Derek Sherrod were available, but the Seahawks went Carpenter instead which I believe was the reach of the draft behind the Chiefs selection of Baldwin.  John Moffit was a decent third round pick, but I was not a fan of any of their other selection.

Draft, Depression, and…Other…Stuff…

The NFL draft for many of us like Christmas morning for children.  The anticipation builds up as your team is picking soon, kind of like that present over by the tree that has your name on it… but there’s still a few in front of it.  And then finally, it comes.  You’re either elated when your team picks that stud or disappointed when the present is undersized sweatsocks from grandma. 

Shaun and I have a different perspective on football.  He’s a Patriots fan, so he expects playoff football every Winter, and not to have a consistently good draft position.  Not that it matters particularly in New England, they consistently draft good value there.  No better example is Tom Brady in the sixth round, ten years ago. 

I’m a Rams fan, so I have gotten used to perpetual sucking, despite a brief three year period of reprieve during the Kurt Warner best show on turf era.  I’ve also gotten used to perpetual awful drafting by a front office whose collective IQ wouldn’t scare a new mother looking at her new baby’s thermometer.  Until, of course, last year.  Billy Devaney is the new front office boss, Sam Bradford is in town, and things are looking up. 

So it only makes sense for me to rant as our two teams are the ones who clearly had the worst drafts.  I’ll start with Shaun’s team, as they didn’t do quite as horribly as mine.

Patriots:  Nate Solder in the first round was eye-opening.  At 6 foot 9, his size no doubt had scouts drooling at a bookend tackle for years to come… except that he’s not strong and lacks technique. He may be a good offensive lineman one day, but for now he’s a project, something the Pats could ill afford to take on as they try to milk as many remaining good years out of Tom Brady’s increasingly rickety body as they can. They also inexplicably picked Ryan Mallett. I actually think he’s pretty good, but they don’t need an heir apparent or someone to motivate Brady. If they figured he was the best player available there, and he might have been, why not trade the pick and get more picks? I don’t see Shane Vereen or Stevan Ridley adding anything to the running game that isn’t already there.  And Marcus Cannon, who is a nice player, is currently undergoing chemotherapy for lymphoma. Not saying he shouldn’t have been drafted by someone, but not a team who needs more immediate solutions to impending line issues. They did little to address a poor pass rush, something in the AFC East you can’t get away with for long, until the end rounds.  Never heard of either of these guys and they might turn out to be good, but for now, the whole thing just looks dubious to me. The NFL works cyclically when it comes to runs of success or futility (unless you’re the Lions and even they are showing signs of improvement) and the Pats are sneaking up on the end of theirs.  Because they’re well coached, cheat shamelessly, and the players are committed to the system (evidenced by continual overachieving from guys like BenJarvus Green Ellis and Danny Woodhead), it won’t be as obvious when their success comes to an end because it won’t happen rapidly, but after this draft, that’s the direction they’re headed.

Grade: D-

Rams: I haven’t done the research, but I would venture to guess that never in NFL history has a team ended up with zero measurable contributors to success of any kind out of a draft class.  Until possibly now.  The three most glaring needs on this team were secondary, outside linebacker, and a viable backup to Steve Jackson who may assume the full time role in a couple of years. Bet you thought I was going to say receiver, right?  More on that later.  First round pick Robert Quinn has some ability but has a (currently benign) brain tumor and missed a year for NCAA misconduct. Do you really need to take a guy with two glaring red flags to address a pass rush when the one you had wasn’t bad to begin with, and Prince Amakamura was still on the board to address a dreadful secondary? Neither Boise State’s Austin Pettis nor Hawaii’s Greg Salas even resemble upgrades over what they already have (Danny Amendola, Danario Alexander, et al) and what can easily be retained (Donny Avery, Mark Clayton) Both Pettis and Salas were passable college players but had numbers seriously inflated by their schools’ ridiculously aggressive offensive schemes.  If either or both make the team, it will only be because they were drafted.  They aren’t good.  The ONLY redeemable pick is Stephen F. Austin linebacker Jabara Williams in the 7th round, who may be another London Fletcher one day.  Worst case scenario, Quinn’s medical issues worsen and he never sees the field, all the aforementioned players are as bad as I think and they never see the field (special teams aside) and Williams isn’t as good as I think he may be.  On the bright side, the third string tight end they used their second round pick on is named Lance.  I’ve always thought that was a cool name.

Grade: F  I would put it lower but all my research and three bud lights later, I haven’t found a letter grading system that goes lower than F.

Not everyone can draft horribly, right?  They didn’t. Two teams stood out to me. And it’s basically because they drafted to fill needs with good players.  I don’t buy the “best player available” philosophy because, if Atlanta for example went that direction, they may have taken Blaine Gabbert so he could rot behind Matt Ryan.  Nobody, in my opinion, made out better than these next two teams:

Houston Texans: They used their first five picks to address a cataclysmic defense that has been their constant undoing. J.J Watt will start immediately on the defensive line opposite Mario Williams, giving them an immediately improved pass rush that will mask other deficiencies that still exist. Arizona OLB Brooks Reed was the perfect in the second round, and all three defensive backs that followed in the ensuing rounds project to be viable NFL contributors. Admittedly, I know little if anything about their end round picks but who cares? If your first five pan out the way your hoped, nobody is going to care what happened with the last three.

Grade: A

San Francisco 49rs: Aldon Smith and Colin Kaepernick were two of the best players in the draft. It appears the organization is finally ready to admit they screwed the pooch with Alex Smith and Kaepernick is in my opinion the quarterback who will have the most success out of this whole draft.  I just don’t see Cam Newton and his gigantic ego succeeding, and I think Kaepernick will be better than Gabbert.  And they nabbed him in the SECOND ROUND! Kendall Hunter was also a great pick to offset Frank Gore’s punishing running style with a little lightning quickness. Again, don’t know too many of the late round guys, but when the talking heads who are instructed to come up with flaws about guys and talk about things like, “doesn’t have the makings of a superstar,” who in the 5th round does? At that point, you want to fill needs. Quarterback was the only glaring hole which they filled, and they got help at practically all other spots.  It kills me a little inside to say this because the niners are my hated rival but they had the second best draft this year.

Grade: A minus

Moving on, what the hell is going on in Atlanta? Bobby Cox retires and all of a sudden it’s idiot season? Within a week, Derek Lowe gets busted for DUI, probably the stupidest thing for any athlete to do because they can ALL AFFORD CABS, and pitching coach Roger McDowell threatens a fan? WTF!?

 

Final Mock Draft

1) Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton – QB – Auburn – Jimmy Clausen is not very good, the Panthers need a face of the franchise, Cam is the guy.  Plus, Clausen will actually push Newton since he was a second round pick.  Not a good pick if they want to compete, but the right pick to hold over the fan base for another couple years.

2) Denver Broncos – Marcel Dareus – DT – Alabama – Disrupter from the inside and ask any expert, building a franchise from the line of scrimmage back is the way to go.  Dareus is arguably the best talent in the draft, and he will have a Suh type impact this year.  A good draft, and this is a great start, could make the Broncos a legit threat at the AFC West.

3) Buffalo Bills – Von Miller – OLB – Texas A&M – The best part of the Bills 4-time Super Bowl losers was a scary good linebacking corp.  Add Von Miller to the outside with Andra Davis, Reggie Torbor, and whatever is left of Shawne Merriman and whatever may come of Aaron Maybin, and this could be one of the best unknown linebacking units in the league.

4) Cincinnati Bengals – A.J. Green – WR – Georgia – Best receiver in the draft, no TO, no Ocho….easy pick.  They could easily go with Blaine Gabbert here, but the Bengals have always been stubborn, and they will call Carson Palmer’s bluff of retirement, and risk going into next season without a quarterback.

5) Arizona Cardinals – Blaine Gabbert – QB – Missouri – Is it just me or does he look like a young Jeremy Roenick?  If Arizona takes him and doesn’t improve that offensive line soon, Gabbert’s face might follow Roenick’s career path too.

6) Cleveland Browns – Robert Quinn – DE – North Carolina – Simply put, the highest upside at a position of need left on the board.  Quinn will be a premier pass rusher early on, he very well may wear down since he had to sit out last year, but the Browns season will be done before that, so no one will notice.

7) San Francisco 49ers – Patrick Peterson – CB – LSU – This was my easiest pick and this just may be the quickest first round pick ever submitted.  Peterson will fit in great in San Francisco, and while he won’t be a pro bowler in year one, he will be by year three.

8) Tennessee Titans – Nick Fairley – DT – Auburn – The defense struggled last year and could really use a big man in the middle again.  Luckily, Nick Fairley’s stock has fallen, and while many are projecting for hime to fall past here, I think this would be an absolute steal for the Titans.

9) Dallas Cowboys – Tyron Smith – OT – USC – Great body, ready to play right away, probably fits best at right tackle, and that is the spot the Cowboys need most.  Protect the face of the franchise, Tony Romo, give time for an excellent receiving core to get open and open holes for a well above average running game.  Anyone but Smith would be a mistake here.

10) Washington Redskins – Julio Jones – WR – Alabama – Quick, name the last stud receiver the Redskins have had….exactly, they haven’t had one since Art friggin Monk.  Julio will be a field stretching big play threat and will actually be a very productive addition to the ‘Skins.

11) Houston Texans – Prince Amukamara – CB – Nebraska – This is probably the first spot you will see a team trade back.  You just may get a team or two afraid of the Vikings going after Jake Locker at 12, so they will be calling Houston, but if the Texans have to make the pick, they should go after Prince.  One of the worst pass defenses in the league, and Prince will help.  Not the biggest impact guy, and probably not a value here, but a solid pick none the less.

12) Minnesota Vikings – Da’Quan Bowers – DE – Clemson – Had microfracture surgery on his knee which makes him a huge red flag, but if there is a team that can afford the risk on a top of the draft talent it is Minnesota.  If Da’Quan busts, they have a defense that can bounce back, if he is an all pro, they can win on defense alone.  They need a QB, but defensive line is the right path to go here.

13) Detroit Lions – Aldon Smith – DE – Missouri – Another pick/spot I am not happy with.  The Lions have other needs, but none that quite fit the value in this spot.  Smith will be a solid player, and excellent compliment to Suh, but the Lions could benefit more from trading back here and accumulating picks.

14) St. Louis Rams – Corey Liuget – DT – Illinois – Liuget is legit…sorry too easy.  He is a great fit here.  The three biggest needs for the Rams is d-line, linebacker, and wide receiver.  The first three rounds have great depth at receiver, and this is a terrible draft for linebackers.  Go best available here, and there is no better fit for St. Louis than Liuget here.

15) Miami Dolphins – Mark Ingram – RB – Alabama – What else can I say?  He has been here on every mock I have put together, posted or otherwise.  I have tried to create mocks without him here, but can’t.  Probably means he won’t go here, but I am going to stick with it.

16) Jacksonville Jaguars – Ryan Kerrigan – DE – Purdue – He has a nose for the quarterback, and would fit into this defensive line well.  Kerrigan pick here would help add to a defense that is slowly becoming a great unit.  A good draft this year and next year, and this team could be a great fit in LA….

17) New England Patriots (from Oakland Raiders) – Cameron Jordan – DE – Cal – He can play with his hand down or standing up outside.  At 6’5″ 290 lbs., he can even slide inside.  Basically, he can play 3 positions and on that Patriot defense, that would be an amazing fit.

18) San Diego Chargers – J.J. Watt – DE – Wisconsin – Watt can play inside or out, the Chargers need help on the entire line outside of Castillo, Watt is best available, and is a good fit.  Enough said.

19) New York Giants – Anthony Costanzo – OT – The first or second best tackle in the draft on a line that desparetly needs help.  He is hands down the best available lineman here, a very simple pick.

20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Adrian Clayborn – DE – Iowa – In the event you are new to The Stain, I will let you in on a bit of a secret…I have a huge man crush on the entire Bucs roster.  Love what they have done with their offense, granted they could use RB depth, and they are doing impressive things on their defense.  Clayborn will be disruptive off the end, and McCoy will only get better…makes for a great, young defensive line.  Look out!

21) Kansas City Chiefs – Muhammed Wilkerson – DE/DT – Temple – Glen Dorsey, Tyson Jackson, Tamba Hali, Muhammed Wilkerson…get to know those four as this could be the most dominating front 4 in the league very, very soon.

22) Indianapolis Colts – Gabe Carimi – OT – Wisconsin – Last year’s Outland Trophy winner for best college offensive tackle, standing 6’7” and pushing 315 lbs., giving Peyton Manning more time from the blind side…scary.  They have missed on offensive lineman in the past, but Carimi won’t be a miss.

23) Philadelphia Eagles – Mike Pouncey – OG/C – Florida – Maybe getting more credit because of the play of his brother last year, but will still be a top notch offensive lineman.  The Eagles need help on the interior of the offensive line, and Pouncey is by far the best guy available in the draft this year.

24) New Orleans Saints – Phil Taylor – DT – Baylor – He is HUGE!!!  The all black uniforms of the Saints won’t be slimming for Phil Taylor.  He will plug plenty of holes in a division that has powerful runners like Michael Turner, MJD, and Jonathan Stewart.  A run stuffing defensive tackle will be a big time improvement for this team.

25) Seattle Seahawks – Jake Locker – QB – Washington – He could stay home as the University of Washington is very close to Seattle.  His coach would know him well thanks to Pete Carroll’s time at USC.  Seattle needs a QB…all makes for a perfect fit.

26) Baltimore Ravens – Jimmy Smith – CB – Colorado – If it wasn’t for character issues, he would be a top half of the first round pick.  Great fit in Baltimore and a defense that is known for being a dominating defense.  Youth in the secondary will be beneficial…and if he gets out of line, Zbikowski will knock him out.

27) Atlanta Falcons – Nate Solder – OT – Colorado – A big, talented offensive lineman for a line that is below average will help and already explosive offense.  Matt Ryan’s veins will be a little cooler knowing Solder has his back.

28) New England Patriots – Justin Houston – OLB – Georgia – Pass rush is a huge need, and Cameron Jordan will be a help with the first pick, and assuming the Patriots keep this pick, the pass rush and front seven will be solid for years to come.

29) Chicago Bears – Derrick Sherrod – OT – Mississippi St. – There was a drunken naked man running through Chicago this week asking people if they believed Jay Cutler really hurt his knee.  Had the Bears already had Sherrod, this never would have happened.  Ask the families in the neighborhood where the naked guy was asking about Cutler’s health was running around who they want the Bears to draft.  Enough said…just too good a story to change this explanation, and I truly still believe Sherrod will go here.

30) New York Jets – Jabaal Sheard – DE – Pitt – Team needs a pass rush, could use a defensive tackle, but not a good value here, so Sheard will be a good pick off the edge.

31) Pittsburgh Steelers – Brandon Harris – CB – Miami – There is no question the biggest need for the Steelers is a corner.  Harris could be a huge addition to defend teams that go 3 or 4 wide.  If they had him last year, maybe they win the Super Bowl.  No telling what is to come next year, but this is a great move to try and make the next step.

32) Green Bay Packers – Cameron Heyward – DE – Ohio State – The defending champions could use more pash rush to take a bit of pressure off their aging secondary.  Heyward is a big body that can cause some havoc from the line and would be a steal for a championship team.

Round two

33) New England Patriots (from Carolina Panthers) – Danny Watkins – OG – Baylor

34) Buffalo Bills – Andy Dalton – QB – TCU

35) Cincinnati Bengals – Titus Young – WR – Boise State

36) Denver Broncos – Akeem Ayers – OLB – UCLA

37) Cleveland Browns – Aaron Williams – CB – Texas

38) Arizona Cardinals – Rodney Hudson – C – Florida State

39) Tennessee Titans – Ryan Mallett – QB – Arkansas

40) Dallas Cowboys – Rahim Moore – S – UCLA

41) Washington Redskins – Benjamin Ijalana – OT – Villanova

42) Houston Texans – Marvin Austin – DT – North Carolina

43) Minnesota Vikings – Stephen Paea – DT – Oregon State

44) Detroit Lions – Bruce Carter – OLB – North Carolina

45) San Francisco 49ers – Brooks Reed – DE – Arizona

46) Denver Broncos (from Miami Dolphins) – Kyle Randolph – TE – Notre Dame

47) St. Louis Rams – Leonard Hankerson – WR – Miami (FL)

48) Oakland Raiders – Clint Boling – OG – Georgia

49) Jacksonville Jaguars – Torrey Smith – WR – Maryland

50) San Diego Chargers – Jonathon Baldwin – WR – Pitt

51) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Ras-I Dowling – CB – Virginia

52) New York Giants – Quan Sturdivant – ILB – North Carolina

53) Indianapolis Colts – Christian Ballard – DT – Iowa

54) Philadelphia Eagles – Brandon Burton – CB – Utah

55) Kansas City Chiefs – Martez Wilson – OLB – Illinois

56) New Orleans Saints – Kelvin Sheppard – ILB – LSU

57) Seattle Seahawks – John Moffitt – OG – Wisconsin

58) Baltimore Ravens – Randall Cobbs- WR – Kentucky

59) Atlanta Falcons – Jerrel Jernigan – WR – Troy

60) New England Patriots – Mikel Leshoure – RB – Illinois

61) San Diego Chargers (from New York Jets) – Curtis Brown – CB – Texas

62) Chicago Bears – Jarvis Jenkins – DT – Clemson

63) Pittsburgh Steelers – James Carpenter – OG – Alabama

64) Green Bay Packers – Allen Bailey- DE – Miami (FL)

Thank You Sergio Ramos

For those of you who did not see, the other day Real Madrid faced off against bitter rival F.C. Barcelona in the Copa Del Rey final. In the 104th minute, Cristiano Rinaldo headed in the lone goal, giving Real Madrid they first Copa Del Rey title since 1993.  About 4:15 am, Real Madrid was touring the city of Madrid atop a double decker bus showing off the trophy to near 60,000 supporters.  That is when one of the greatest moments in celebration history happened.  Sergio Ramos lifted the trophy, and reminded us all why soccer players don’t use their hands, dropping the trophy to the ground, where it was run over slightly by the front bumper of the bus.  A group of cops had to come out and pry the trophy out from beneath the bus.  Thank you Sergio Ramos, you have saved The Stain from Smearer’s block!

Stupidity in Sports

Every once in a while, you hear a story that reminds you of the good in sports…none of these are that story.

 

Canseco Brothers – It is well known that Jose Canseco is a nut job.  But what can go under the radar at times is the fact he has a brother, Ozzie, who looks just like him, that is just as big a mess.  Whether it is an autograph session, a reality tv show, or even the bedroom with ones wife, there are questions as to which was who, when, and where.  The most recent came in a celebrity boxing match.  Jose was given $5k in advance with another $5k to be received after the fight.  Jose didn’t feel like fighting, so Ozzie decided to show up for the fight instead.  What the two failed to consider is the fact Jose has tattoos on his arms that Ozzie does not.  Needless to say, it was found out the wrong Canseco was discovered and the final $5k was not delivered and the fight was cancelled.

Mario Balotelli – The European footballer, again, soccer, that game you play with your feet, with Manchester City recently got bored.  Typically that wouldn’t be news, a guy gets bored at the facilities, plays some pool, maybe throws darts….well, he did the latter, at kids!!!  While bored he picked up darts, opened the window, and took aim at the youth team.  Naturally, as a player in a sport that isn’t allowed to use your hands, he missed on every shot.

Dez Bryant – Remember when you were 14, hanging at the mall with your pants too low, making fun of the mall security guards, giving cat calls to the girls while making fun of the nerds at the arcade?  Well, apparently Dez Bryant still is.  He recently added to his MALL RAP SHEET when he and his group of friends were asked to pull up their pants.  They proceeded to make a scene, and Dez was mentioned in yet another incident report at a Dallas area mall.  He was also recently sued for almost $1 million in legal fees and the cost of unpaid jewelry.  Add that to money “borrowed” after being suspended by the NCAA, the 6 figure dinner he paid for after refusing to carry Roy Williams pads, and we now know who is most desperate for the NFL lockout to end.

David Ferrer – Midway through the second set of his match at the Sony Ericsson Open, Ferrer got frustrated by a crying baby in the stands.  So he did what anyone named Ferrer or Balotelli would do, he hit a tennis ball into the stands in the direction of the baby.  He missed, and lost the match.  After he blamed indigestion for his loss…wonder what he blames for missing the baby.