Jim Harbaugh – Act like you have been there before.  This isn’t Stanford going to USC and getting a win which can have a huge improvement in recruiting.  This is mid-October in the NFL.  Yes, it sends you to 5-1, but you still have 10 games left.  Don’t jump around like a Gramatica who just kicked a field goal.  Jog across the field, shake the hand of the opposing head coach whose team just gave you all your team could handle, and congratulate him on his team playing a great game.  You won a week 6 game, don’t act like it was a playoff game.

 

Lance Kendricks – I am tired of the apologetic announcers.  During Sunday’s game, the announcers said something along the lines of, “The Rams have streamlined the responsibilities of Kendricks which should help him given there was no off –season workouts.  Now he doesn’t have to think so much and can just go out and play.”  If his issues were simply running the wrong routes and missing blocking assignments, fine, but he dropped what I believe was his 643^rd pass this season.  How about simply call it what it is, a guy who just isn’t ready to play in the NFL.

 

Field Goal Nets – Not really sure what to call those things that go up behind the goal posts during a field goal or extra point, but I am tired of watching two guys pulling on ropes and having the net go up crooked.  I am not a fan of people losing their jobs, but really?  You have four guys whose jobs are to pull the net up?  With all the technologies we have added to football, nobody has created a way to motorize the net?  Seriously, just add two small motors in the bottom of the wall and have it pull up at the push of a button.  Let’s bring the kicking game into the 21^st century.

 

Tony Romo – Granted I am a Romo apologist, but can we please stop with the “Romo is amazing, Romo is terrible” flip flop from week to week.  Romo is a top 10-15 QB in the NFL.  He is not a top 5, never will be.  He can make plays most other quarterbacks can’t, but does give away plays many other quarterbacks know better than to even try.  Can the team win a championship with Romo?  Yes.  Will they?  Time will tell.  The guy throws interceptions at the worst times, but the offense has incredible weapons and their front seven on defense are second to none.  If the team improves in the secondary and Romo strings together a few of his good games, they have a shot.  But regardless of all that, he isn’t and never claimed to be the best QB in the NFL, so why is there a special every week on NFL network and ESPN saying they are disappointed because he isn’t playing like a hall of famer?

 

Defense – I get the NFL is trying to protect the players, but could we stop will all the roughing the passer and defenseless receiver calls?  Brian Orakpo hit Vick, side of helmet to the side of Vick’s shoulder pad in the endzone, and a penalty was called.  This was at a point in the game that the Redskins were gaining momentum and you could feel the game starting to swing.  The Eagles get to move out of the shadow of their own endzone, get a fresh set of downs, and are able to put together a long scoring drive that was clearly not going to happen before the penalty.  Defense is awful this year, and you can chalk it up to the fact that defenses are essentially no longer allowed to tackle a guy.

Cam Newton – Yes, he had two 400 yard games to start the season and every time you look up, he seems to be doing something special, but he is already the most overrated quarterback in the NFL.  He has a 58% completion percentage, 7 touchdowns, 9 interceptions, and a 1-5 record.  Granted, he has run for quite a few touchdowns, but how long do you expect a QB acting as the goal line back to last?  You want to see a true talent as a rookie QB?  Look at Andy Dalton.  His completion percentage is just slightly higher at 62%, but has more touchdowns than interceptions.  Also, he has taken a far less talented offense to a 4-2 record.  Cam is getting all the hype because he played in the SEC, was the first overall pick, and is always smiling.  Andy Dalton just goes out, plays the position, and wins football games.

Anyone who listens to me, and there aren’t many, but the few who do know how much I hate college football.  The reasons are plenty. The BCS, stupid conferencing, corruption, idiotic illegal benefits rules when it comes to players, and three glasses of wine ago I would have come up with a few more. But today, my vindication was finalized.

Those of you who watch and pay attention to college football may already know, but for those of you who don’t, the NCAA instituted a anti-showboating rule that can wipe a touchdown off of the board if the player scoring is judged to have taunted the opposing team to an egregious extent. Now, I think showboating is one of the stupidest things an athlete can do. Especially in the pros when little further proof is needed beyond the limited command of standard grammar many players exhibit, that most of these fools had people pay cheerleaders or whomever to do their homework. Then again, I cheer for these same fools if they play for my teams… Anyway, I digress. For a rule to be instituted that wipes a score away that was legally accomplished is ridiculous.

Fast forward to today, LSU punter Brad Wing scored on a lengthy run on a brilliantly executed fake punt. As he was approaching the endzone, he briefly extended his arms in a “how do you like them apples,” gesture. Sure enough, THIS was the sort of taunting the rule was intented to stop, right? To make matters even stupider, the gesture did not appear to be directed at any particular player on Florida, and lasted all of a second, if that.  But sure enough, the refs (who probably had money on Florida… and if they did, last laugh is on you, zebras.) decided that it warranted a TD-erasing flag. 

So, Brad Wing, a redshirt freshman punter from Australia loses a touchdown, very likely the greatest moment of his sporting life, due to one of the stupidest rules ever invented.  To repeat, the touchdown was scored legally, without any kind of illegal blocks or any other kind of infraction. If the rule had been a fifteen yard penalty assessed on the ensuing kick off, it would still have been a lousy call, but at least a kid with a dream wouldn’t have had his touchdown ripped away from him.  Congrats, NCAA, you have clinched any argument I have with anyone in the future about college football and why it sucks in my favor. If only you could do the same for me when I argue that NASCAR and poker are not sports. (Disclaimer: I have the utmost respect for professional racecar drivers and poker players.  Both require skill, discipline, patience, and a variety of other things I don’t possess.  But they’re not sports.)

Things That Make Me Happy:

Unapologetic UFC fan here.  Also, unapologetic Melvin Guillard hater. So you can imagine my glee when he was choked out in less than a minute by Joe Lauzon after promising to win by dramatic knockout. People might think that it’s a barbaric sport, but many of these guys are smart, kind, and family-oriented people when they are not in the Octagon.  They respect their craft, their opponents, and attempting to speak the English language properly. Guillard is not one of these men. (Disclaimer number 2: Guillard may very well be a family man, and a good one. I don’t know. I just find him brash and offensive, and wish I had the fighting prowess to beat his ass myself. Alas, I don’t.) So imagine my joy when he was dispatched in short order by veteran Joe Lauzon (who can count legend Jens Pulver among his conquests) who does all the things, including respecting the craft and his opponents, you look for in a person or team you would give your support to. 

The Yankees are out of the MLB playoffs.  My smear partner, Shaun is probably happier than I am about this but he is a Red Sox fan so you’ll have to take that with a grain of salt.  But really, why would anyone cheer for the Yankees, apart from those who grew up in New York or maybe has a dad that brainwashed them? Would you cheer for Brad Pitt to get the girl? Enough said.

Death:

Death is never a happy thing. Not including serial killers, rapists, and other like degenerates who deserve whatever firing squad or poison in their veins they get, nobody’s death is a reason for celebration.  Not even Al Davis.  So, despite being a giant asshole among other undesirable traits, he still had a family who loved him… I’m sure some of them did anyway. So RIP, Al. Hopefully now the Raiders can emerge from decades of your ineptitude as owner and resume their place as one of the NFL’s flagship franchises. (Disclaimer number 3. Not a Raiders fan.  Never have been. Never will be. But you can’t deny the gravitas of the franchise. The NFL needs the Raiders. Simple as that.)

Speaking of death, RIP Steve Jobs. I’m sure he was a fan of some sport, so deserves mention here for his entrepreneurial genius, but more for his charitiable work and philanthropy.

Personal Bitching Section:

I have teams in four fantasy football leagues this season. I should practically be guaranteed to win three of these leagues. I am, after all, a fantasy football genius. The fourth team, well, I admittedly drafted poorly and should be pretty much doomed. So how is it that my three teams that are guaranteed to win are going to end up in a struggle to reach fantasy playoffs, and the fourth which I completely screwed up is looking like a champ? I don’t know.  But I am sitting here with an empty wine glass, and need to fix that. Good night, and good luck. (Disclaimer number 4: Is Edward R. Murrow still alive? If not, I’m usurping that quote.)

John Mayberry Jr. – Mayberry, a bench player for the Philladelphia Phillies saw something he liked in an actress in the movie Just Go With It, Antionette Nikprelaj.  So, he did what any guy would do, called his agent and told him to get him in touch with her.  His agent did send an email to her agent and started the email with “I hate to be sending you this email and am quite embarrassed to say the least”, then informed her agent that Mayberry would like to invite her to a baseball game and described Mayberry as “a great guy, down-to-earth, humble, Stanford-educated, etc”.  One thing Mayberry didn’t check first was to see if Antionette was already married, which she is.  Hunter Pence responded on Twitter staying something along the lines of “would anyone like to go on a date with my boy John Mayberry? He is Stanford-educated”.

Kelvin Goliday – Head football coach at Garfield High School in the Seattle area made news last week.  In the third quarter, Goliday was not fond of a call, pulled his team off the field and did ordered them to remain on the sidelines.  As a result, Goliday was ejected and the team had to forfeit.

Faulkner University – Alan Moore was named the kicker for Faulkner University, a small christian university in Alabama.  What makes this a story?  Moore is a 61 year old Vietnam war veteran.

Miami Dolphins – On October 23rd, the Miami Dolphins will honor the 2008 National Champion Florida Gators football team.  This is strange enough given that the Florida Gators are a rival of the hometown Miami Hurricanes, but even worse, the Dolphins will be playing the Denver Broncos on October 23rd.  So yes, the Dolphins will be honoring their opponents 3rd string quarterback.  Nothing screams team pride like putting your rival and opponent up on a pedestal.

Paul Hamm – The former olympian and now former Ohio State gymnastics coach was recently arrested.  Hamm took a taxi home after a night out, fell asleep on the way home, and when the cab driver woke him up at his destination, Hamm refused to pay the $23 fare.  According to the cab driver, Hamm elbowed, punched, and kicked him.  When the police arrived, they struggled to get him under control.  In a video released by the police you can hear Hamm say “All the sudden, looking at my wallet and I’m looking at a situation, I don’t have my ID” to which the officer simply responded, “That’s cause I have it man, You gave it to me less than 5 minutes ago”.  During the struggle with the to get Hamm under control you can also hear him yell out, “You guys are so funny.  You guys have no idea.  I’m going to kill you guys.” 

New England Patriots – In a press conference the other day, Tom Brady told fans to “start drinking early, get lubed up and root on the team.”  A refreshing moment of candidness from an otherwise scripted guy.  Then the Patriots turned a comical comment into the worst PR spin of all time.  The Patriots released a statement saying brady actually meant stay hydrated, drink lot’s of water, and drink responsibly.  Um, yeah, sure.

If you were watching the Dodger game tonight, and my guess is that since they suck, you weren’t, you’ll have witnessed a prime example of what plagues officiating in all major sports; an inability by the official to exercise common sense.

In yesterday’s game, the Diamondbacks’ Gerardo Parra postured and showboated after homering off of Hong Chi Kuo, several pitches after a fastball from Kuo went high and tight on Parra as he squared to bunt. Clayton Kershaw, tonight’s starting pitcher, was shown on television yelling at Parra as he showboated, “You’ll find out! You’ll find out!” One would assume that he was letting Parra know that he could expect a little chin music next game, if not a shiny new baseball sized tattoo somewhere around his ribcage.

Fast forward to tonight’s game, Parra is leading off the sixth inning for the D Backs and on an oh and one count, Kershaw throws an inside fastball that hit Parra on the elbow. Home plate umpire, Bill Welke immediately gave Kershaw the heave ho. Now, one might understand the ejection given the events of the previous game… except that there are several facts that Welke, who is by all accounts a decent umpire, ignored. Kershaw is working on a one hit shutout and in a hot competition with Arizona’s Ian Kennedy for the NL Cy Young award, Parra made only a cursory attempt to get out of the way, and Kershaw, who has excellent command, would not have gone for Parra’s elbow if he was out for retribution.  He would have gone right for the rib cage, where you can cause maximum pain with minimum risk of causing serious injury. Why should Welke have known this? Because, as a veteran umpire anyone would know, there is an art to drilling an opposing hitter intentionally. 

How to do it:  In the 2008 NLCS between the Phillies and Dodgers, Brett Myers was obviously headhunting. He nailed Manny Ramirez, who don’t forget hit .357 with 17 home runs for the Dodgers during the stretch run, and nearly nailed several other hitters including Andre Ethier with fastballs near the head. The next game, after Cole Hamels went high and tight on a couple of Dodger batters (though giving him the benefit of the doubt, there was very little if any ill intent by the Phillies’ southpaw on those plays) Hiroki Kuroda sacked up and whipped a 93 mph fastball about three feet over the head of Shane Victorino. The intent was clear. Stop hitting my guys. Sure, it probably would have been more appropriate to smoke Victorino in the backside, but Kuroda sent the message without allowing a baserunner… and more importantly, without seriously hurting anyone.

How not to do it: Earlier this year, the Angels’ ace Jered Weaver allowed a decisive home run to the Tigers’ Carlos Guillen, who uncharacteristically (Guillen has always been considered a classy dude) taunted Weaver as he jogged up the first baseline. A visibly irritated Weaver launched his next pitch, a 90+ fastball, at Tigers’ catcher Alex Avila’s head. Avila was lucky to avoid getting smoked in the earhole. Weaver was duly tossed from the game, and for good reason.  Weaver risked causing grave injury to Avila, who had absolutely nothing to do with what angered Weaver to begin with. The proper way to handle this would have been for Weaver, the next time he faced Guillen, to nail him in the butt or ribs… or better yet in this blogger’s opinion, fan him and show him back to the dugout with a decisive point.

You’re just an idiot if: Remember a decade ago or so, when Mike Piazza hit a comebacker against Roger Clemens, breaking his bat in the process, and Clemens picked up the business end of the broken bat and winged at Piazza as the big catcher jogged toward first? And to make matters worse, claimed after the game that he was confused, in the heat of the moment, and thought it was the ball? Well, moron, if it had been the ball, wouldn’t you have lobbed it to Tino Martinez at first base for the out? Anyway, fast forward to the following season, the Mets were playing the Yanks in Interleague play and, lo and behold, at Shea Stadium, Clemens had to bat.  The idiot the Mets had pitching (as always, beer is more) took two shots at Clemens. Both went behind Clemens’ legs. Understandably, he was tossed after the second attempt, presumably as much for the fact that he missed so horribly on both his retribution attempts that the ump wanted to put him out of his misery.

If you’re an umpire: In ice hockey, players are allowed to police their own transgressions with fighting, so long as the sticks and cheap shots from behind don’t get involved, with the penalty being a mere five minutes in the sin bin. In baseball, you should be allowed to make a statement when rules of etiquette have been breached. One statement that doesn’t endanger someone’s career or life. Even if Kershaw’s pitch that hit Parra’s elbow had been intentional, which is debatable at best, Welke had no business ejecting him. After all, there are rules.

Let’s start with something that isn’t an over-reaction…the ceremonies honoring this 10th anniversary of America’s darkest, but most inspiring day, was certainly something to behold.  Lady Antebellum’s national anthem was about the best I have seen since Whitney Houston at the Super Bowl several years back.  We honor all our armed forces and all who so abruptly perished that faithful day ten years ago.

That being said, time to get back to what The Stain is known for and what we do best, making light, making fun, and over-reacting to sports.  Here are my over-reactions to week 1:

Ndamukong Suh – Anyone watch him today?  Pretty sure he is the first black man I have ever seen with a farmer’s tan.

Chargers – Opening kick-off goes for a touch down against you?  Apparently the coverage team wasn’t fixed this off-season.

Cam Newton – Send his bust to Canton, he is the greatest QB ever!!!

Arian Foster – Worst first round pick ever.

Rams – (In honor of Torsten) – Did you see the drops?  Clearly the worst draft ever.  Did you see the injuries? Good thing they had that fourth pre-season game, the third team might have to start week 2.

Colts – Finally the GM has been exposed for the terribleness that has been the way they have run the organization since drafting Peyton Manning.  Everyone is awful without Peyton…and with the neck surgery…time to suck for luck.

Pac-10 – Apparently Harbaugh really does have Pete Carrolls number.

Buffalo – Super Bowl…wait, have we ever won one of those?

Joe Flacco – What was that James Harrison? Not gonna win a Super Bowl?  Suck it!!! (remember the title of this article…over-reactions)

Matty Ice – More like Matty “Christ, another loss in a big game?”

Bengals-Browns – Seriously, who cares?

Fat F*ck Mike Tolbert – If it wasn’t for the Thursday game, I would swear he ate Darren Sproles and stole his nose for the end zone.

Donovan McNabb – I don’t care what the critics say, his 39 huge passing yards prove he is back and will make the Viking forget about the crooked gun slinger, Brett Favre.

Still have two Monday night games and a god amount of the Sunday night game to go, but I believe I have over-reacted enough.

 

There are things about sports I simply don’t understand. In fact, they far outnumber the things I do. That said, some are really worth noting.

The Jacksonville Jaguars cut starting quarterback David Garrard, less than one week before the regular season starts, in favor of Luke McCown. The fact that the Jags got rid of a guy who is clearly not up to par to handle a starting role is not the shock, it’s more the fact that it took them until now to do it. Never mind that it sucks to do that to by all accounts a decent human being if mediocre at his job, they completely gypped the guy out of a chance to earn a job elsewhere. He is good enough to be a backup somewhere, and will possibly get a chance… a chance that he would definitely have taken had they released him when they should have… two years ago.

So this is funny. In today’s Nationals Dodgers game (Stephen Strasburg’s 2011 debut), Dodger catcher Rod Barajas had a lengthy mound visit with closer Javy Guerra (a shoe in for ROY honors if the Braves didn’t have two guys named Kimbrel and Freedman) after Guerra created a bit of trouble in a non save situation. After their talk, Barajas went through a series of signs… a couple of which Guerra shook off. Call me silly, but I would have figured pitch selection was something Barajas and Guerra might have discussed during their visit at the mound. Regardless, Guerra shut the door and Barajas had the game winning rbis with a booming double an inning earlier. Who am I to judge? Drunk, that’s who! Or is that a what…

ESPN is consistently showing early round US Open tennis coverage. That’s it, I don’t get it. Who cares unless some combination of Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal, Novak Djokovic, or a naked Caroline Wozniaki are playing against each other. Or with each other. Pass the Doritos! Uh, trademark… or whatever.

Fearless forecast. The Saint Louis Rams win the NFC West this season and make the playoffs. Am I a homer? Fine, they do it without a single pro bowler. Still a homer? You betcha…

I had something else funny to post here, but alas I lost it to gin and tonic number four.

On to stuff that isn’t funny. Bobby Rhine, the former Mr. Do Everything On the Field and current play by play guy for Dallas FC of MLS has died of an apparent heart attack at the way-too-effing-young age of 35. Rhine will never be mentioned in any discussion involving the greatest soccer players of all time, let’s be honest, but you’d struggle to find a harder working guy on the pitch. He was also a talented announcer, from what I’ve read and heard. For lack of anything poignant to say, it simply sucks that decent and likeable people suffer fates like this. Bobby Rhine played his entire MLS career with FC Dallas, scoring 23 goals.

There are rumors that Bill Burke, a team of American investors, and the Peoples Republic of China, have offered over $1 billion to Frank McCourt to buy the Dodgers. If this rumor is true, and if the deal were to be accepted, we would be looking at the first American sports team owned by a foreign government. And not just any government, but China. Could you imagine no more Louisville Sluggers but instead the bats now state on the bottom, “Made in China”. No more Miller Lites, just Tsing Tsao beer. Ned Colletti will be replaced as GM by a board of members of the Communist Party of China. Dodger Dogs are now served on lead laced hot dog buns. Yao Ming will become the new Left Fielder. The Chinese government will hear that Matt Kemp stole second so they arrest him and give him the death penalty. So I ask you, would you rather the Chinese become part owners of the Dodgers, or keep going with Frank McCourt….I say bring on the Chinese.

Bethany College – The men’s golf team was suspended after the team posted a picture on facebook, fully nude, with golf clubs covering their junk.  Kinda feel bad for the guy using a 1 iron.  I would throw in a joke about a guy on the team being named Ben Johnson, but then I found out the captain of the team…Jack Hiscock.

The Big East – The Big East has requested a rule change in the NCAA guidelines.  They wanted to remove a potential violation because the players had the gall to request their post-game bagels include cream cheese!

Preseason Football – While watching a game earlier this week, I heard the greatest announcement ever by an official.  “False start, on the offense….the entire offensive line.

Cliff Harris – The Oregon defensive back was recently arrested when on a routine traffic stop the officer smelled marijuana.  He asked if anyone had marijuana on them and Harris decided to say, “Nah, we smoked it all.”

Demolition Derby – After winning a recent demolition derby, a Kentucky man was immediately arrested…for drunk driving.  We at The Stain absolutely do not condone drinking and driving, but in a demolition derby, couldn’t you almost consider it a performance enhancing drug?

Joey Harrington – Harrington was recently hit by a car while riding his bike in Portland.  He was pretty seriously injured, doing okay now though, and when in the emergency room, the doc asked him how he was doing, Harrington reminisced  about his NFL days and said, “C’mon, I played four years in Detroit, a car is nothing.”

Matt Holliday – In a recent game against the Dodgers, Matt Holliday had to leave the game because a moth got stuck in his ear.  The training staffs first idea to get it out, put him in a dark room, turn on one bright light, and hope the moth flies out….it didn’t work, so they grabbed tweezers and got it.  No confirmation that the Cardinals now provide moth-balls to keep in the players hats.

Luke Hughes – Joe Mauer played a game in right because a recent call up Luke Hughes didn’t make it to the game in time.  Why? He missed his flight.  We have all traveled and know missing a flight happens, but for him, it was because he couldn’t find the gate, in a 15 gate airport, Lehigh Valley International Airport.  He went to gate 9B rather than 9A.  Maybe he should have had a cup of coffee before getting his cup of coffee.

British Volleyball – At the 2012 Olympics, the British Women’s Volleyball team will be wearing one of the most inventive advertisements ever.  A British gambling site will have barcodes on the back-sides of the women.  You at home can watch the match, and when you get a close up view of one of the ladies asses, press pause, take out your smartphone, scan the barcode, and visit the website for deals.  I think they should institute this at strip clubs.  Girls wear barcode pasties with potential prizes of free drinks, free entry on your next trip, or maybe even a free lap dance.

The Raiderettes – The Raiders will have the oldest cheerleader in the NFL this year.  Suzie Sanchez is 37, not too bad, but, also a grandmother.  I guess Al Davis wanted a cheerleader born within a century of him.

So, “rumor” has it that authorities want to talk to Kobe Bryant about an “alleged” incident in which he “allegedly” caused a slight wrist injury to a man whom he believed to be taking his photo with a cell phone… in church.  This got me thinking.

The other night, Sportscenter (I think it was Jeremy Schaap… which brings to mind another column idea.  Worst sons in the father and son profession progression.  For every Ken Griffey, there’s a Tony Gwynn, right?) did a bit on how Tiger Woods and Dale Earnhardt are inextricably linked now, because they haven’t won anything in a while.  And America doesn’t tolerate losers.  Really.  Stop shaking your head at me, I’m serious.  Let me get something straight, you’re telling me a country that elected George W. Bush to not one but TWO terms in the White House doesn’t tolerate losers? 

Anyway, if you had to argue that Earnhardt and Woods have something in common, it is that they went from being at the pinnacle of their professions, and the height of popularity, to approaching mediocrity (by professional standards). If you had to compare anyone with anyone, wouldn’t it have to be Bryant and Woods?  Let’s see.  Both used to be incredibly popular. Both lost ridiculously hot wives as a result of infidelity with comparatively fugly women (granted, in Woods’ case, more frequently than Kobe’s.). Both suffered in popularity, at least partially as a result there of.  This loss of popularity all of a sudden made people realize that they weren’t the cuddly teddy bear, approachable super athletes (in the molf of… maybe a… Magic Johnson?  Hell, I don’t know.) that they had the veneer of.  Rather, their smugness and general abrasiveness came to a forefront.  And now, while both still “good” at what they do, they have been surpassed by many peers.  What am I missing?

Kids These Days: I love kids.  They go especially well with asparagus and a side of scallopped potatoes.  I know, I know, I stole that from someone… Ben Franklin possibly?  But I digress, it’s not your imagination.  Kids are getting dumber these days, and the proof is in the sports.  I was talking to my buddy’s kid (whom I do actually like, for no other reason that I can tell him to let me his daddy talk for a few hours and he actually will) about baseball while my buddy was on the crapper and he all of a sudden asked me, “Who is the best pitcher ever?”  Without hesitation, I answered, “Sandy Koufax.” He says, “Who is that?”  Let me tell all you MIT wonderbrains out there who no doubt take some very difficult tests with very difficult questions on them.  NONE of those questions is as difficult to find a suitable answer for as, “Torsten, why is my son dead?”

Enough, Already…: I’m tired of NBA lockout negotiation status reports.  I just asked 300 people (ok, three people… but  took the liberty of extrapolating that out by multiplying my control group by 100 to save time) and, lo and behold, nobody gives a @#$% whether there’s going to be basketball next season. 

Upcoming Podcasts: Two!  The Stain will, in the next couple weeks, be bringing you two podcasts.  One on our fantasy football league, the other one on the new English Premier League soccer season. The latter of which, we’ll be joined by our friend George Ogier, a frequent (and excellent for that matter)contributor (and Spurs fan) to dozens of soccer websites and publications for an authentic North London look at the upcoming year.

For those of us who work office gigs, Pandora radio offers a pretty neat barrier to all the distractions that can keep us from being productive at work: The gaggle of gossipers blabbering on about their ugly kids in the cubicle five feet away, incessant phone ringing, etc. Sadly, I’m unaware of a sports Pandora station. Anyway, imagine my surprise as I was plowing through my workday and a rather enjoyable version on The Verve Pipe song “Freshmen” comes on. It’s not the original, but I don’t care. It’s good. And then I see it. The song is by Bronson Arroyo. Yeah, THAT Bronson Arroyo; he of the funky leg kick, 5+ ERA (except against the Dodgers, when he always seems to channel his inner Greg Maddux) and pseudo 70s hair in the Cincinnati Reds rotation. Grammy winning it’s not, but as embarrassing as people like Eddie Murphy, Don Johnson, and boxing messiah Manny Paquiao’s attempts to crack the music business it certainly isn’t either.

Things That Piss Me Off: I’ve been watching Sportscenter this Sunday morning for 30 minutes, every second of which has been dedicated to one of three topics. Tiger Woods, the Yankees Red Sox game coming on in SEVEN HOURS, and commercials. Wait, what just happened? They actually spent 30 seconds talking about Juan Nicasio, the Rockies pitcher whose neck was snapped by an Ian Desmond line drive the other night. Looks like he’ll be okay, but I’m really glad they updated us on a philandering asshole golfer who isn’t even that good anymore when compared to today’s top guys like Rory McIlroy. Why do I keep watching? I don’t know.

Things I Find Funny: The twins have a guy named Plouffe on their team. That’s almost as good of a name as Angel Pagan. Almost. I had dream that John Boehner spontaneously combusted. I was in a great mood for the first 8 hours of that day. Then someone informed me it was only a dream. Damn you, Facebook!