Anyone who listens to me, and there aren’t many, but the few who do know how much I hate college football.  The reasons are plenty. The BCS, stupid conferencing, corruption, idiotic illegal benefits rules when it comes to players, and three glasses of wine ago I would have come up with a few more. But today, my vindication was finalized.

Those of you who watch and pay attention to college football may already know, but for those of you who don’t, the NCAA instituted a anti-showboating rule that can wipe a touchdown off of the board if the player scoring is judged to have taunted the opposing team to an egregious extent. Now, I think showboating is one of the stupidest things an athlete can do. Especially in the pros when little further proof is needed beyond the limited command of standard grammar many players exhibit, that most of these fools had people pay cheerleaders or whomever to do their homework. Then again, I cheer for these same fools if they play for my teams… Anyway, I digress. For a rule to be instituted that wipes a score away that was legally accomplished is ridiculous.

Fast forward to today, LSU punter Brad Wing scored on a lengthy run on a brilliantly executed fake punt. As he was approaching the endzone, he briefly extended his arms in a “how do you like them apples,” gesture. Sure enough, THIS was the sort of taunting the rule was intented to stop, right? To make matters even stupider, the gesture did not appear to be directed at any particular player on Florida, and lasted all of a second, if that.  But sure enough, the refs (who probably had money on Florida… and if they did, last laugh is on you, zebras.) decided that it warranted a TD-erasing flag. 

So, Brad Wing, a redshirt freshman punter from Australia loses a touchdown, very likely the greatest moment of his sporting life, due to one of the stupidest rules ever invented.  To repeat, the touchdown was scored legally, without any kind of illegal blocks or any other kind of infraction. If the rule had been a fifteen yard penalty assessed on the ensuing kick off, it would still have been a lousy call, but at least a kid with a dream wouldn’t have had his touchdown ripped away from him.  Congrats, NCAA, you have clinched any argument I have with anyone in the future about college football and why it sucks in my favor. If only you could do the same for me when I argue that NASCAR and poker are not sports. (Disclaimer: I have the utmost respect for professional racecar drivers and poker players.  Both require skill, discipline, patience, and a variety of other things I don’t possess.  But they’re not sports.)

Things That Make Me Happy:

Unapologetic UFC fan here.  Also, unapologetic Melvin Guillard hater. So you can imagine my glee when he was choked out in less than a minute by Joe Lauzon after promising to win by dramatic knockout. People might think that it’s a barbaric sport, but many of these guys are smart, kind, and family-oriented people when they are not in the Octagon.  They respect their craft, their opponents, and attempting to speak the English language properly. Guillard is not one of these men. (Disclaimer number 2: Guillard may very well be a family man, and a good one. I don’t know. I just find him brash and offensive, and wish I had the fighting prowess to beat his ass myself. Alas, I don’t.) So imagine my joy when he was dispatched in short order by veteran Joe Lauzon (who can count legend Jens Pulver among his conquests) who does all the things, including respecting the craft and his opponents, you look for in a person or team you would give your support to. 

The Yankees are out of the MLB playoffs.  My smear partner, Shaun is probably happier than I am about this but he is a Red Sox fan so you’ll have to take that with a grain of salt.  But really, why would anyone cheer for the Yankees, apart from those who grew up in New York or maybe has a dad that brainwashed them? Would you cheer for Brad Pitt to get the girl? Enough said.

Death:

Death is never a happy thing. Not including serial killers, rapists, and other like degenerates who deserve whatever firing squad or poison in their veins they get, nobody’s death is a reason for celebration.  Not even Al Davis.  So, despite being a giant asshole among other undesirable traits, he still had a family who loved him… I’m sure some of them did anyway. So RIP, Al. Hopefully now the Raiders can emerge from decades of your ineptitude as owner and resume their place as one of the NFL’s flagship franchises. (Disclaimer number 3. Not a Raiders fan.  Never have been. Never will be. But you can’t deny the gravitas of the franchise. The NFL needs the Raiders. Simple as that.)

Speaking of death, RIP Steve Jobs. I’m sure he was a fan of some sport, so deserves mention here for his entrepreneurial genius, but more for his charitiable work and philanthropy.

Personal Bitching Section:

I have teams in four fantasy football leagues this season. I should practically be guaranteed to win three of these leagues. I am, after all, a fantasy football genius. The fourth team, well, I admittedly drafted poorly and should be pretty much doomed. So how is it that my three teams that are guaranteed to win are going to end up in a struggle to reach fantasy playoffs, and the fourth which I completely screwed up is looking like a champ? I don’t know.  But I am sitting here with an empty wine glass, and need to fix that. Good night, and good luck. (Disclaimer number 4: Is Edward R. Murrow still alive? If not, I’m usurping that quote.)