Due to some traveling over the past week or so, I have been unable to get a new Smear up despite several happenings Smear worthy.  So, naturally, I have decided to do a rapid fire wrap up of the past week or so.

• Jerry Sandusky – Enjoy Hell.
• Joel Peralta – Got an 8 game suspension for pine tar on his glove, but Brett Lawrie got 4 for slamming a helmet down at an umpire and hitting him with it on the bounce….something seems off there. 
• Davey Johnson – Really, you are going to bring attention to the pine tar on his glove?  I am sure you didn’t stand for it when he was on your team right?  Hypocritical much?
• People who care about pine tar – Relax, it isn’t that big a deal.  When I was in high school and it was cold and/or wet, I rubbed a bunch of pine tar in my back pocket so I could get a little grip when the ball started to slip.  Also, lick your fingers then toss a rosin bag…it may be just as effective as pine tar…complaints about pine tar are as weak as Davey Johnson’s insult to Joe Maddon…seriously?!?!  “Weird Wuss” was the best you could come up with?
• LeBron – Thank you for winning a championship.  Finally we can listen to the two most annoying voices in sports, Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless, argue about something else.
• First Take – Really?!?! Two days after LeBron wins you have the two most annoying voices in sports argue who is under more pressure to win, Vick or Tebow?!?!  Congrats, you have mastered the art of mass murdering sports stories, well done.
• Casey Affleck – Ok, this one might actually be cool, he has bought the rights to write and direct a Josh Hamilton movie.  Only question would be who plays who in the movie.  Here are my first thoughts.  Josh Hamilton–>Cole Hauser or Matthew McConaughey.  Nolan Ryan–>The bald dude from Lost.  Ron Washington–>the kid that was with the Rangers a couple years ago who mastered the look of Ron Washington.
• NHL Draft – Does it right.  Drafts are strangely addicting sports events.  But only the NHL brings it to it’s fans.  A different city every year, giving every fan at least one opportunity in their lifetime to attend the draft and root for their team.  I was lucky enough to go to the one in LA a few years ago.  I physically assaulted the cup, was asked to get out of his seat by Tyler Seguin, shook Luc Robitaille’s hand, celebrated with a random family as their son got drafted, and negotiated a trade where I sent the entire Kings draft to Pittsburgh for Crosby with Dan Bylsma…he didn’t seem very happy with me as he stormed off after the conversation, and probably for the best that he backed out given the Kings won the cup this year and Crosby has hardly played since then.  Those are just a few events that happened on the second day of the NHL draft I attended.  Could you imagine the event if Jerry Jones got to host the NFL draft?  200,000 tickets to the event would be sold over the three days easy.  NBA draft on South Beach…half the first round would be arrested by weekends end.  MLB draft at Wrigley…finally something Cubs fans could root for.  C’mon NBA, NFL, and MLB, take a page from the NHL and bring your draft to your fans!

Here at The Stain, we generally try to stay away from politics treat just about any topic as fair game, so why not politics too. I can’t speak for Shaun, but let me just get something out of the way real quick. Barack Obama will once again get my vote for president, something I waffled between regretting and being glad I did many times during his first four years in office. And I say first four years under the assumption that there are going to be another four. Because really, how can there not be. I can’t be the only one out there who will be casting my ballot in favor of the President by sole virtue of the fact that he is not Mitt Romney. Can you really imagine a guy whose camp makes a public big deal about a tongue in cheek joke that could easily be interpreted as a compliment regarding a popular athlete?

Recently, the Red Sox traded popular third baseman Kevin Youkilis to the White Sox (who would ever have thought you’d say the names Kevin Youkilis and Brent Lillibridge in the same sentence not involving a play at 3rd). The trade tugged at the heartstrings of the Boston community, and understandably so. Youk, as he’s affectionately known by fans and teammates, is emblematic of Bostonians; intense, hard-working, blue-collar and driven. But, all those things or otherwise, Youk had struggled with injuries and sub-standard performance for him. Meanwhile, rookie Will Middlebrooks was excelling. It was time for the old soldier to move to the next army. Sure, Red Sox fans rank among the most obnoxious and irritating people in the history of people, but they are not devoid of emotion. That trade, while right for the team, hurt them.

Back to Romney, being from Boston, it’s not exactly a stretch that he’s a Red Sox fan. So when Obama hit the campaign trail in Boston to try and wrangle up some support, he made a cheeky, even a bit funny, comment thanking Boston for trading Youk to his hometown White Sox, eliciting calls of “Yoooouuuuuk!!!” from the audience. Read between the lines, and the President’s comment amounts to, paraphrased of course, “Thanks for trading us your good player, we’re gonna love him in Chicago.”

Of course, knowing who the Republican camp is, an idiotic retort wasn’t exactly beyond the stretch of the imagination… but who would have expected this:

Maybe the president should have congratulated the team for winning the World Series in 2004 and 2007. Instead, he chose to mock them for trading away one of its favorite players at a time when the team is struggling.

Those were the words of Romney press secretary, Andrea Saul. Are. You. Kidding me? She would have the president say, “Hey, congrats on those two world series titles 5 and 8 years ago! How about a vote, eh!” The country is on the precipice of a historic election, and that’s the best youv’e got? I’ve never been a mathlete, but this law of averages thing that everyone learned about in middle school is finally making sense to me. There is an average intelligence because there are both smart and dumb people. And in the immortal words of the late, great comedian George Carlin, “Think about how dumb the average person is, and then think. Half the people are dumber than that!”

In fairness, stupidity is not limited to the Romney camp. Inexplicably, White House press secretary Jay Carney felt the need to respond. Really, he did. In a time where a federal healthcare reform law hangs in the balance, the economy still in a struggle, joblessness still rampant, it’s a popular but aging third baseman our presidential candidates are quibbling over.

My blood pressure medication is currently not working.

After the last two games of one hit shutout victories, R.A. Dickey is quickly becoming a household name.  The soon to be 38 year old pitcher has finally caught his groove and made a name for himself over the past two years in his 9^th and 10^th big league seasons with his 4^th team.  Last season his stat lines were respectable outside of his win/loss record which was largely a result of a horrid Mets team, but this year, he is on pace to win the MLB pitching triple crown and could run away with the Cy Young award.  Matt Cain and Brandon Beachy have pitched incredibly this year, but neither can hold a candle to Dickey.  The knuckle ball pitcher is leading all starting pitchers in pitch percentage inside the strike zone.  That is a far cry from the knuckle ball stereotype perfectly summed up by Bob Uecker when he said, “How do you catch a knuckle ball?  You wait until it stops rolling and you pick it up.”  Take a look at Dickey’s stats, go ahead, but do yourself a favor, don’t look up the NL leaders, look it up as the MLB leaders.  ERA, he is tied with Beachy with an ERA of 2.00.  Wins…his 11-1 mark tops the bigs.  Strikeouts…103 ties him with the major league lead with JUSTIN VERLANDER!!!  WHIP…yeah, his 0.89 leads baseball.  He is even tied with Morrow and Verlander with in complete games.  Finally you will come across a stat he doesn’t lead, that is opponent’s batting average…he is fourth with a .194.  So, the guy who throws one of the most unique pitches in baseball has learned how to control it better than anyone ever has and is making one of my favorites, Tim Wakefield, look pedestrian.  In fact, this season is arguably better than any hall of fame knuckler, Phil Niekro or Hoyt Willhelm, has ever had.  I personally will put aside my New York hatred and root for Dickey to keep it up because watching a guy demonstrate such incredible mastery of a pitch and his profession is something special, and I can’t wait to see more.

About a week ago, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing a show in Columbus, Ohio.  The crowd, made up largely of Ohio State students, was giving the band a roaring ovation as the show ended.  As many a drummer is known to do, Chad Smith walked to the front of the stage and tossed his drum sticks into the crowd causing an even bigger ovation.  Then he did something that is either the dumbest or ballsiest move ever.  Having grown up in Michigan and being a huge Wolverine fan, he picked up a mic and began singing “Hail to the Victors”.  The crowd immediately went from incredible cheers, to some of the loudest boos you will ever hear.  Regardless, the video is classic, and another story, and the video, can be found here.

There was a time when lawyers were counted on to make sure the scales of justice balanced evenly, that the little guy didn’t get bullied by the big mean government, or the big bad corporation. And while I’m sure those folks are out there, it appears that more and more of them are idiotic swine.

Seriously, I should be gloating about how the Kings won the Stanley Cup, about how I’m a moron for not placing $100 on that in Vegas before the season began, like I had been bragging I would do. I should really be talking about anything… anything at all, except for the legal representatives of jailed boxing champ, Floyd Mayweather.  Yet, that’s where I find myself. You see, these weasels actually had the nerve to make a statement that Mayweather’s detainment in solitary confinement was hurting his career, financially and emotionally.

There is no reason for anyone, never mind a lawyer, to make such a statement unless they were positioning for a potential lawsuit. Anyway, so far, the Nevada police has not issued a response, though I think maybe they should. Here, I’ll even write it for them:

In response to the statements by Mr. Mayweather’s attorneys, it is our belief that what is actually hurting Mr. Mayweather’s career is that he elected to commit a crime, causing him to be incarcerated. And not just any crime, mind you. A violent crime. Specifically, this is a case of a boxing champion hitting a woman. So, excuse us for not being overly concerned that Mr. Mayweather is falling out of shape a bit during his sentence, a piss poor excuse for justice by the way, as the few months he has to serve pale in comparison to the years anyone without his celebrity status would have to serve. So shut it, you ((expletives deleted)).

I am writing this Smear at the end of the first period of the game, so if the Kings blow it and lose the game, maybe even the series, feel free to blame me.  Now, with a sweep the Kings could have tied the record for best record in a playoff run, but they lost game 4, then game 5 to end their perfect road run.  But a win tonight gives them a tie for the second best playoff record at 16-4.  Few experts will compare this team to the Oilers that went 16-2, but I believe this is the greatest playoff run in NHL history.  I was rooting for the Rangers to make it to the finals so the Kings could knock off seeds 1-2-3-1, but instead they will have to settle for 1-2-3-6.  They are the first team to ever knock off the one and two seeds in the first two rounds of the playoffs.  But before we look at that, let’s take a look back to the final week of the season.  There was a good chance this team would not even make the playoffs.  Then all the experts said they don’t have enough offense to make a serious run, but Kopitar has a good chance to win the scoring title for the playoffs and Quick has been lights out.  This is a young team , much like the championship teams of the Oilers, but there are no Gretzky’s or Messier’s on this team, however, there is Doughty, Brown, Kopitar, and Quick.  None of them may be hall of fame talents, but with their youth and a run of a few titles, you never know.  Regardless of the individual accolades to come on this team, the 2012 Los Angeles Kings must be looked at as one of the greatest playoff teams of all-time. 

Yes, we sports fans, media included, are. I have to love how the Los Angeles media and fans in general are lamenting the Kings’ game 4 loss to New Jersey. What went wrong? How come the team failed? Impending doom???

For God’s sake… let’s sum up what actually happened. The Kings dominated for long stretches, clattered shots of the iron twice, and failed to convert on no fewer than a dozen great chances to score in the third period. New Jersey essentially got two chances to score, and buried them both. One on an uncharacteristically bad rebound allowed by Jon Quick, and the other on a moment of sheer brilliance from the Devils’ super rookie, Adam Henrique. Mix in a little Marty Brodeur virtuoso awesomeness and you got what could be expected. The Stanley Cup Finals didn’t end in a sweep. Get over it.

Moving on, nothing really surprises me anymore… at least I thought so. Then I read the story about the little kid who sent Brandon Jacobs the money in his piggy bank in hopes of securing his return to the Giants. That’s cute and all, but listen closely to the interviews when Jacobs talks about it and you can tell he’s touched by the visible difficulty he has keeping it together.

Lastly, I don’t have an entertainment or tv blog, so you’re stuck with this non-sports bit. Nothing really surprises… wait, I already started a paragraph that way. How about… every now and then, reality tv doesn’t totally suck. Go to youtube and search for a kid named Andrew De Leon. He absolutely brought the house down with his version of O Mio Babbino Caro… which isn’t the first song you would expect a teenager with an eerie resemblance to Marylin Manson to bust out.

Cheers and smears, have a great weekend.

14 years ago, on the same Olympic Club course in San Francisco that will be hosting next week’s U.S. Open, a great story was taking place.  A man by the name of Casey Martin, in the midst of a legal battle with the PGA that wound up landing in the U.S. Supreme Court that ended with Casey being granted the right to ride in a golf cart during tournaments based upon rules set forth by the American’s with Disabilities Act.  Martin has a condition that hampers blood circulation in his legs causing great discomfort when standing, much less walking, and even at one point was considering amputation.

That year Martin finished tied for 23^rd at the U.S. Open.  Since then, he has all but retired from competitive golf and taken the job as the University of Oregon head golf coach.  He coached his team to the NCAA Final Four where they fell to Texas last week.  Arriving back in Eugene late Sunday, he and two of his players were scheduled to compete in a qualifying tournament.  After 36 poor weather holes and back to back 69’s, Casey Martin will won the tournament and will be competing in the U.S. Open at the same course he became the first golfer to ride a golf cart in a major championship. 

He has mentioned he will likely be playing a practice round with college teammate Tiger Woods early next week.  This is his first high-level tournament since he became head golf coach at Oregon in 2006.  Regardless of his score, he is a player to root for.  If he makes the cut, it will be one of the more impressive accomplishments in sports.  If he finds a way to be in the running on Sunday, it will be a moment that is sure to leave many with goosebumps and jerk out a few tears.  Another great story in sports that will not get the attention it deserves, but if you get the chance next Thursday or Friday, tune in and root for Casey Martin.

With the Johan Santana no hitter tonight, the Mets have their first in their 51 year history.  A history that includes 3 home stadiums, several world championships, and pitchers like Seaver and Ryan, but it is a man named Johan that gets the first.  This of course leads me to ponder the other feats of futility that you root for. 

1)      Chicago Cubs – Is there anything more fun than making fun of the Chicago Cubs for their century plus without a championship?  I will admit, as a Red Sox fan, I embraced the insults regarding the 86 year drought, until, of course, it ended, and the Sox are tied for the most championships in the millennium.

2)      While the Buffalo Bills never winning a championship is fun to root for in itself, the early 90’s were the best.  Four consecutive trips to the Super Bowl, four consecutive losses, including the biggest lost in the game’s history.  Classic!

3)      William H. Holbert – Who?!?! Glad you asked.  He is the only player in Major League history with more than 2,000 plate appearances without a home run.  Granted he retired in 1888.  Probably the most relevant homerless streak belongs to current Red Sox announcer Jerry Remy, who didn’t homer in his final 2,188 career plate appearances.

4)      David Hale – He set the record of 230 games to start a career without a goal.  He finally scored in his 231^st game, and retired last year with 4 career goals.

5)      Charlotte Bobcats – You know you were rooting for it this season, and they didn’t disappoint.  The Bobcats set the record for lowest winning percentage for a single season in NBA history.  So Michael Jordan owns the record for best and worst teams in NBA history.  Congrats.

Those were the first five that came to mind after seeing the Santana game, hopefully we get more feats of futility to root for soon.

We have spent quite a few words since the inception of our blog, railing on poor officiating. This ranges from the simply incompetent, to the blatantly cheating and corrupt, and encompasses the middle ground of the mediocre and inconsistent. Moreover, officiating as a whole is getting worse. Across all sports, we are seeing more bad calls, and accordingly, increasingly negative sentiment toward officials from players. Really, something ought to be done. But you know what, it won’t. Really, it can’t. Not until, anyway, the major sports abandon their idiotic blanket philosophy about shielding umpires/referees from the media.

 

The arguments against making officials have to answer for questionable calls seem valid on the surface. What good does it do to subject an umpire to the same question from a vampiric horde of reporters out for blood? 20 minutes of subjecting a guy to you really missed that call and cost the Orioles a couple of runs, how does that make you feel? is not productive. Neither is well, your crew gave the Panthers 9 power plays and Calgary only 3, how do you explain that BS? It then just becomes a carnival attraction where the umpires become the paper bulls’ eyes and the reporters become the unsteady children wielding the poorly sighted pellet gun, and the only stuffed animal available as a prize is a defensive we do the best we can from the officials.

 

And that is the problem. They don’t do the best they can. I’m not saying they don’t try their best, but they don’t do their best and there is a huge difference. How can they possibly do their best when there is no repercussion for getting it wrong? As a wise man once made up on the spot said, consequences only affect those to whom they apply. So when Jeff Nelson and Bill Welke somehow contrive to BOTH screw up an obvious strike three to Boston shortstop Mike Aviles, gifting the Red Sox three runs, to whom do the consequences apply? Certainly not to Nelson and Welke, who will resume posts on the field tonight and the next night without ever having to explain themselves, but most DEFINITELY to Jim Leyland’s Detroit Tigers who lost the game as a direct result of this double blown call. Sure, it’s all over ESPN today but that’s only because Leyland went on an expletive-laced tirade in front of reporters, challenging them to sack up and call a spade a spade.

 

Last night, Todd Tichenor erroneously ruled Milwaukee Brewers’ outfielder Norichika Aoki safe at first, saying that James Loney’s foot had come off the bag while fielding Aaron Harang’s throw. Replays clearly showed Loney’s foot on the bag, and it wasn’t close. Loney’s foot didn’t come off the bag until noticeably after he had caught Harang’s throw, and not just in slow motion. Despite this, Tichenor visibly tells an arguing Don Mattingly that he is “100% sure” of his call. This was pure crap, not just because Tichenor was clearly wrong, but also clearly positioned horribly on the play due to nothing other than laziness. Sure, Harang could have made a better throw and the play wouldn’t have been anywhere near subject to debate, but it doesn’t change the fact that Tichenor could have tried to get in better position for the call, but simply didn’t. It’s hard to argue that the subconscious knowledge that it doesn’t really matter in the large scheme of things whether he gets the call right or not had no effect on that. On the game, however, it had a huge effect. Milwaukee scored two runs as a sole result of the botched call, and the Dodgers lost by one. And before you think I only highlight calls that go against the Dodgers because I’m a Dodger fan… ok, well, you’d be right. But if I wasn’t biased, I might mention that the Dodgers may have benefitted from horrifically lazy umpiring early in the season by way of a triple play against the Padres that ultimately saved the game, and wouldn’t have happened.

 

The issues are not confined to baseball. In this year’s NHL playoffs, Raffi Torres targets Marian Hossa’s head with a cheap shot and gets a 25 game suspension. Shea Weber targets Henrik Zetterberg’s head with a cheap shot and gets a $2,500 fine. That’s like me doing 100mph in a school zone and getting a $2 speeding ticket. Sure, everyone except for Raffi Torres’ mother thinks he’s a piece of feces with a history of dirty play, while Weber is a team leader with very few if any questionable incidents in his history report, but we really don’t know because Brendan Shanahan, the NHL’s discipline czar, is not really required to explain himself. The Phoenix Coyotes may also feel aggrieved that the referees failed to call even a minor penalty on Dustin Brown mere seconds before my beloved LA Kings sent them back to the desert, after Brown injured Phoenix defenseman Michal Roszival with a questionable hit. Replays show that the hit wasn’t dirty, and that Roszival’s injury is unfortunate, rather than the result of a malicious cheap shot, but replays also show that the hit came slightly after the whistle so perhaps a two minute penalty for roughing wouldn’t have been unreasonable. The Kings may still have won the game, and almost certainly would have still won the series, but they certainly wouldn’t have won it in the 20 seconds following the hit, and Phoenix is left to wonder why the whistles were swallowed. And they’ll never get an explanation, because as it currently stands, they’re not entitled to one. They can’t even ASK too vociferously because anything even hinting at a criticism of refs in a post-game press conference leads to fines.

 

Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers got called for a technical foul during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Miami Heat for what appeared to be dissent, or arguing a call. That may or may not have happened. Replays would appear to indicate that Rivers didn’t really say anything inflammatory enough to warrant a technical. Could it have been an accumulation? Belly aching about every single call until the ref has finally had enough? Sure… but guess what. We will never know. Why? BECAUSE THE REFEREES ARE NOT REQUIRED TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES.

 

I could spend another thousand words, or ten thousand, outlining specific examples of terrible calls but it would be beating a dead horse. As long as there is no consequence for getting a call wrong, there is no impetus for getting it right, and lack of impetus will breed laziness. It’s that simple. So, I propose the following.

 

In cases where a botched call (conclusively determined as botched on replay) causes an impact on the outcome of a game or irrevocably changes its course, teams may submit a request for explanation to a league body via email. Within 48 hours, the league body would have to submit a response via email granting or denying that request. If granted, the offending official would have to submit an official statement via the league office and available to the media about the situation, admitting that the call was gotten wrong and an explanation of why. We’re not talking about a bang bang play at first, where a billionth of a second is the difference between out and safe. A missed call like that can and does happen, and nobody dwells on it too long. I’m talking about stuff like Tim Welke ruling Jerry Hairston out at first base despite Todd Helton being off the bag by roughly the width of an interstate highway lane. Welke is a decent umpire and human being by all accounts, but he was irrefutably lazy on this call and had he paid any semblance of attention or bothered to be in position, he’d have gotten it right. He should have had to submit, assuming the Dodgers requested one, an official statement to the tune of, “I ruled the runner out on the play, clearly the replay shows my call was incorrect. I did not get myself in good position to make the call and as a result, the angle I was at kept me from seeing the call properly. I apologize for the mistake and will work hard to ensure that I don’t make the same one again. Nobody is perfect, but this is one that I should have gotten right.”

 

What would be wrong with that? That’s right, nothing. And before you dismiss the notion that holding officials accountable is a ridiculous notion for any reason involving ego, take the following quote into consideration. “It was the biggest call of my career and I kicked the (poo) out of it.” That was Jim Joyce admitting he got it wrong with two outs in the ninth, costing Andres Galarraga a perfect game. Joyce was not forced to own up, he just did. That might have something to do with why he is among pro sports’ most respected officials by players, fans, coaches, etc. For every Joe West, who thinks the game is really about him, there is a guy like Joyce, who understands how important his role is, and doesn’t take it lightly.