I am writing this Smear at the end of the first period of the game, so if the Kings blow it and lose the game, maybe even the series, feel free to blame me.  Now, with a sweep the Kings could have tied the record for best record in a playoff run, but they lost game 4, then game 5 to end their perfect road run.  But a win tonight gives them a tie for the second best playoff record at 16-4.  Few experts will compare this team to the Oilers that went 16-2, but I believe this is the greatest playoff run in NHL history.  I was rooting for the Rangers to make it to the finals so the Kings could knock off seeds 1-2-3-1, but instead they will have to settle for 1-2-3-6.  They are the first team to ever knock off the one and two seeds in the first two rounds of the playoffs.  But before we look at that, let’s take a look back to the final week of the season.  There was a good chance this team would not even make the playoffs.  Then all the experts said they don’t have enough offense to make a serious run, but Kopitar has a good chance to win the scoring title for the playoffs and Quick has been lights out.  This is a young team , much like the championship teams of the Oilers, but there are no Gretzky’s or Messier’s on this team, however, there is Doughty, Brown, Kopitar, and Quick.  None of them may be hall of fame talents, but with their youth and a run of a few titles, you never know.  Regardless of the individual accolades to come on this team, the 2012 Los Angeles Kings must be looked at as one of the greatest playoff teams of all-time. 

Yes, we sports fans, media included, are. I have to love how the Los Angeles media and fans in general are lamenting the Kings’ game 4 loss to New Jersey. What went wrong? How come the team failed? Impending doom???

For God’s sake… let’s sum up what actually happened. The Kings dominated for long stretches, clattered shots of the iron twice, and failed to convert on no fewer than a dozen great chances to score in the third period. New Jersey essentially got two chances to score, and buried them both. One on an uncharacteristically bad rebound allowed by Jon Quick, and the other on a moment of sheer brilliance from the Devils’ super rookie, Adam Henrique. Mix in a little Marty Brodeur virtuoso awesomeness and you got what could be expected. The Stanley Cup Finals didn’t end in a sweep. Get over it.

Moving on, nothing really surprises me anymore… at least I thought so. Then I read the story about the little kid who sent Brandon Jacobs the money in his piggy bank in hopes of securing his return to the Giants. That’s cute and all, but listen closely to the interviews when Jacobs talks about it and you can tell he’s touched by the visible difficulty he has keeping it together.

Lastly, I don’t have an entertainment or tv blog, so you’re stuck with this non-sports bit. Nothing really surprises… wait, I already started a paragraph that way. How about… every now and then, reality tv doesn’t totally suck. Go to youtube and search for a kid named Andrew De Leon. He absolutely brought the house down with his version of O Mio Babbino Caro… which isn’t the first song you would expect a teenager with an eerie resemblance to Marylin Manson to bust out.

Cheers and smears, have a great weekend.

14 years ago, on the same Olympic Club course in San Francisco that will be hosting next week’s U.S. Open, a great story was taking place.  A man by the name of Casey Martin, in the midst of a legal battle with the PGA that wound up landing in the U.S. Supreme Court that ended with Casey being granted the right to ride in a golf cart during tournaments based upon rules set forth by the American’s with Disabilities Act.  Martin has a condition that hampers blood circulation in his legs causing great discomfort when standing, much less walking, and even at one point was considering amputation.

That year Martin finished tied for 23^rd at the U.S. Open.  Since then, he has all but retired from competitive golf and taken the job as the University of Oregon head golf coach.  He coached his team to the NCAA Final Four where they fell to Texas last week.  Arriving back in Eugene late Sunday, he and two of his players were scheduled to compete in a qualifying tournament.  After 36 poor weather holes and back to back 69’s, Casey Martin will won the tournament and will be competing in the U.S. Open at the same course he became the first golfer to ride a golf cart in a major championship. 

He has mentioned he will likely be playing a practice round with college teammate Tiger Woods early next week.  This is his first high-level tournament since he became head golf coach at Oregon in 2006.  Regardless of his score, he is a player to root for.  If he makes the cut, it will be one of the more impressive accomplishments in sports.  If he finds a way to be in the running on Sunday, it will be a moment that is sure to leave many with goosebumps and jerk out a few tears.  Another great story in sports that will not get the attention it deserves, but if you get the chance next Thursday or Friday, tune in and root for Casey Martin.

With the Johan Santana no hitter tonight, the Mets have their first in their 51 year history.  A history that includes 3 home stadiums, several world championships, and pitchers like Seaver and Ryan, but it is a man named Johan that gets the first.  This of course leads me to ponder the other feats of futility that you root for. 

1)      Chicago Cubs – Is there anything more fun than making fun of the Chicago Cubs for their century plus without a championship?  I will admit, as a Red Sox fan, I embraced the insults regarding the 86 year drought, until, of course, it ended, and the Sox are tied for the most championships in the millennium.

2)      While the Buffalo Bills never winning a championship is fun to root for in itself, the early 90’s were the best.  Four consecutive trips to the Super Bowl, four consecutive losses, including the biggest lost in the game’s history.  Classic!

3)      William H. Holbert – Who?!?! Glad you asked.  He is the only player in Major League history with more than 2,000 plate appearances without a home run.  Granted he retired in 1888.  Probably the most relevant homerless streak belongs to current Red Sox announcer Jerry Remy, who didn’t homer in his final 2,188 career plate appearances.

4)      David Hale – He set the record of 230 games to start a career without a goal.  He finally scored in his 231^st game, and retired last year with 4 career goals.

5)      Charlotte Bobcats – You know you were rooting for it this season, and they didn’t disappoint.  The Bobcats set the record for lowest winning percentage for a single season in NBA history.  So Michael Jordan owns the record for best and worst teams in NBA history.  Congrats.

Those were the first five that came to mind after seeing the Santana game, hopefully we get more feats of futility to root for soon.

We have spent quite a few words since the inception of our blog, railing on poor officiating. This ranges from the simply incompetent, to the blatantly cheating and corrupt, and encompasses the middle ground of the mediocre and inconsistent. Moreover, officiating as a whole is getting worse. Across all sports, we are seeing more bad calls, and accordingly, increasingly negative sentiment toward officials from players. Really, something ought to be done. But you know what, it won’t. Really, it can’t. Not until, anyway, the major sports abandon their idiotic blanket philosophy about shielding umpires/referees from the media.

 

The arguments against making officials have to answer for questionable calls seem valid on the surface. What good does it do to subject an umpire to the same question from a vampiric horde of reporters out for blood? 20 minutes of subjecting a guy to you really missed that call and cost the Orioles a couple of runs, how does that make you feel? is not productive. Neither is well, your crew gave the Panthers 9 power plays and Calgary only 3, how do you explain that BS? It then just becomes a carnival attraction where the umpires become the paper bulls’ eyes and the reporters become the unsteady children wielding the poorly sighted pellet gun, and the only stuffed animal available as a prize is a defensive we do the best we can from the officials.

 

And that is the problem. They don’t do the best they can. I’m not saying they don’t try their best, but they don’t do their best and there is a huge difference. How can they possibly do their best when there is no repercussion for getting it wrong? As a wise man once made up on the spot said, consequences only affect those to whom they apply. So when Jeff Nelson and Bill Welke somehow contrive to BOTH screw up an obvious strike three to Boston shortstop Mike Aviles, gifting the Red Sox three runs, to whom do the consequences apply? Certainly not to Nelson and Welke, who will resume posts on the field tonight and the next night without ever having to explain themselves, but most DEFINITELY to Jim Leyland’s Detroit Tigers who lost the game as a direct result of this double blown call. Sure, it’s all over ESPN today but that’s only because Leyland went on an expletive-laced tirade in front of reporters, challenging them to sack up and call a spade a spade.

 

Last night, Todd Tichenor erroneously ruled Milwaukee Brewers’ outfielder Norichika Aoki safe at first, saying that James Loney’s foot had come off the bag while fielding Aaron Harang’s throw. Replays clearly showed Loney’s foot on the bag, and it wasn’t close. Loney’s foot didn’t come off the bag until noticeably after he had caught Harang’s throw, and not just in slow motion. Despite this, Tichenor visibly tells an arguing Don Mattingly that he is “100% sure” of his call. This was pure crap, not just because Tichenor was clearly wrong, but also clearly positioned horribly on the play due to nothing other than laziness. Sure, Harang could have made a better throw and the play wouldn’t have been anywhere near subject to debate, but it doesn’t change the fact that Tichenor could have tried to get in better position for the call, but simply didn’t. It’s hard to argue that the subconscious knowledge that it doesn’t really matter in the large scheme of things whether he gets the call right or not had no effect on that. On the game, however, it had a huge effect. Milwaukee scored two runs as a sole result of the botched call, and the Dodgers lost by one. And before you think I only highlight calls that go against the Dodgers because I’m a Dodger fan… ok, well, you’d be right. But if I wasn’t biased, I might mention that the Dodgers may have benefitted from horrifically lazy umpiring early in the season by way of a triple play against the Padres that ultimately saved the game, and wouldn’t have happened.

 

The issues are not confined to baseball. In this year’s NHL playoffs, Raffi Torres targets Marian Hossa’s head with a cheap shot and gets a 25 game suspension. Shea Weber targets Henrik Zetterberg’s head with a cheap shot and gets a $2,500 fine. That’s like me doing 100mph in a school zone and getting a $2 speeding ticket. Sure, everyone except for Raffi Torres’ mother thinks he’s a piece of feces with a history of dirty play, while Weber is a team leader with very few if any questionable incidents in his history report, but we really don’t know because Brendan Shanahan, the NHL’s discipline czar, is not really required to explain himself. The Phoenix Coyotes may also feel aggrieved that the referees failed to call even a minor penalty on Dustin Brown mere seconds before my beloved LA Kings sent them back to the desert, after Brown injured Phoenix defenseman Michal Roszival with a questionable hit. Replays show that the hit wasn’t dirty, and that Roszival’s injury is unfortunate, rather than the result of a malicious cheap shot, but replays also show that the hit came slightly after the whistle so perhaps a two minute penalty for roughing wouldn’t have been unreasonable. The Kings may still have won the game, and almost certainly would have still won the series, but they certainly wouldn’t have won it in the 20 seconds following the hit, and Phoenix is left to wonder why the whistles were swallowed. And they’ll never get an explanation, because as it currently stands, they’re not entitled to one. They can’t even ASK too vociferously because anything even hinting at a criticism of refs in a post-game press conference leads to fines.

 

Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers got called for a technical foul during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Miami Heat for what appeared to be dissent, or arguing a call. That may or may not have happened. Replays would appear to indicate that Rivers didn’t really say anything inflammatory enough to warrant a technical. Could it have been an accumulation? Belly aching about every single call until the ref has finally had enough? Sure… but guess what. We will never know. Why? BECAUSE THE REFEREES ARE NOT REQUIRED TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES.

 

I could spend another thousand words, or ten thousand, outlining specific examples of terrible calls but it would be beating a dead horse. As long as there is no consequence for getting a call wrong, there is no impetus for getting it right, and lack of impetus will breed laziness. It’s that simple. So, I propose the following.

 

In cases where a botched call (conclusively determined as botched on replay) causes an impact on the outcome of a game or irrevocably changes its course, teams may submit a request for explanation to a league body via email. Within 48 hours, the league body would have to submit a response via email granting or denying that request. If granted, the offending official would have to submit an official statement via the league office and available to the media about the situation, admitting that the call was gotten wrong and an explanation of why. We’re not talking about a bang bang play at first, where a billionth of a second is the difference between out and safe. A missed call like that can and does happen, and nobody dwells on it too long. I’m talking about stuff like Tim Welke ruling Jerry Hairston out at first base despite Todd Helton being off the bag by roughly the width of an interstate highway lane. Welke is a decent umpire and human being by all accounts, but he was irrefutably lazy on this call and had he paid any semblance of attention or bothered to be in position, he’d have gotten it right. He should have had to submit, assuming the Dodgers requested one, an official statement to the tune of, “I ruled the runner out on the play, clearly the replay shows my call was incorrect. I did not get myself in good position to make the call and as a result, the angle I was at kept me from seeing the call properly. I apologize for the mistake and will work hard to ensure that I don’t make the same one again. Nobody is perfect, but this is one that I should have gotten right.”

 

What would be wrong with that? That’s right, nothing. And before you dismiss the notion that holding officials accountable is a ridiculous notion for any reason involving ego, take the following quote into consideration. “It was the biggest call of my career and I kicked the (poo) out of it.” That was Jim Joyce admitting he got it wrong with two outs in the ninth, costing Andres Galarraga a perfect game. Joyce was not forced to own up, he just did. That might have something to do with why he is among pro sports’ most respected officials by players, fans, coaches, etc. For every Joe West, who thinks the game is really about him, there is a guy like Joyce, who understands how important his role is, and doesn’t take it lightly.

Have you ever had the urge to run around an indoor soccer arena with an oversized soccer ball tazing your friends?  Well, you are in luck, there is a new sport out there just for you.  Ultimate Tazer Ball has dubbed itself “The future of sport”, and while I don’t see it becoming the next NFL, it may have a better chance than the epic movie Rollerball.  There are currenlty four UTB teams, with the hope of many more to come.  The current teams are the Los Angeles Nightlight, the San Diego Spartans, the Toronto Terror, and the Philadelphia Killawatts.  Their website shows that they just did an Asian tour, but does not have a schedule for coming matches.  Regardless, a bunch of guys with a giant soccer ball, trying to throw it past a goalie while countless watts of electricity are running through their veins is certainly something to be seen.  I hope they have a match in LA sometime soon, and I would gladly attend and report back on this potential awesomeness.

Ok, I guess it would be just Guest Writing, but a special thanks to Fenway West for allowing me to go rant about my Red Sox.  Please visit Fenway West and give that fantastic blog some love as well.

So… I just spent the last week in Hawaii and man, is that place different. The first thing you’ll notice is that nobody is really in a hurry. Anywhere. The speed limit on the O’ahu freeways occasionally extends to 60, though very few people maximize the opportunity, but most of the time hovers in the 45 to 55 range. It’s not uncommon at all to be driving on a “highway” at about the same rate of speed that you navigate a school zone in California. Or, about with the same rate of urgency that the Lakers defended Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook. Or, if you’re looking for an antonym, opposite of the rate that Kobe Bryant threw his teammates (specifically Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum) under the bus. Can you really blame Bynum for saying he doesn’t care where he plays next season?

Another thing that’s odd about Hawaii, specifically O’ahu, is how their streetsigns are erected. Here in California, as in most places in the continental US, a street sign about an approaching freeway will be posted a decent distance before it arrives, as if to say hey, this freeway is coming up in case you wanted to get on it and needed to make a decision about which direction to travel on it. Why thank you, Mr. Streetsign. How kind of you to warn me! In Hawaii, it’s more like hey, back there is where you should have turned if you wanted to get on that freeway. But worry not, I’m sure you’ll find a great place to turn around in about 14 miles. Kind of like how the Lakers were defending Oklahoma City in those last couple of games. In case you were wondering who to guard, it was the guy who just scored an uncontested dunk and is now showboating in front of the scorer’s table.  Wait, did I already use that joke?

Had enough? Tough. A couple more observations from the islands that hit me like a Dustin Brown to Michal Roszival borderline hit.

Yeah, that hibiscus pineapple lemonade DID INDEED have alcohol in it… something I expected and paid for, but doubted until my ill fated attempt to nimbly hop off the barstool and find a mens room.

I don’t care how well behaved your children are, they need to be kept away from the waterslide during prime lunch and dinner hours. Seriously. They can be little angels 21 hours out of the day, but for the 1.5 hours each that cover lunch and dinner, they are screaming banshees. Kind of like no matter how impressive Ted Lilly’s ERA and record are, he’s merely lobbing grapefruits at the plate and it’s a matter of time before he gets raked for double digit runs in two and a third to bring his numbers up closer to his career standard of an ERA around 4… which still seems way better than a guy with questionable stuff and a complete inability to hold baserunners should have.

Enough with the pineapples already. Just… enough.

Additionally, much like Stephen A. Smith, Tony Kornheiser, Michael Wilbon, and a host of others should not take the fact that someone handed them a microphone as license to yell uninformed blither at the masses, people shouldn’t take being a tourist as license to act like a buffoon. A visit to the at-sea memorial for the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor should be and is sombering to most… though I’d swear I was surrounded by half a dozen Fran Drescher clones… seriously, ladies, there are people at rest here. Shut up and show some respect. 

Lastly, O’ahu must be quite fond of their ABC stores. There’s one on every stinkin’ corner in Waikiki. Seriously. If you don’t know, ABC stores are like a 7-11 and Target smushed into one, and then thrown in a dryer to shrink… or copied and pasted into Microsoft Word and shrunk to 25%. Everything from Hawaiian shirts to souveniers to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for in between can be bought there. Why does there need to be one on every corner? I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s for the same reason that every golf tournament that’s broadcast feels the need to show every single one of Tiger Woods’ shots regardless of how far off the pace he is, and ESPN feels the need to show every Yankees game no matter that 9/10 of the country hates them.

Aloha.

I will start by admitting I cannot stand LeBron James.  Maybe because he came out of high school the same year as I did and he has about a quarter billion more dollars than me, or maybe it is because of the way he left Cleveland and he has been a rival to the Celtics since the first time he made the playoffs.  But that being said, back the hell off!  Check twitter, I made it clear I found it hilarious he got LeBron blocked and missed two free throws in the final few minutes of the fourth quarter, but at least he had the ball the majority of the quarter.  He played 43 minutes, and on that final possession, when the Heat were down three, he played a great decoy on the play which helped Chalmers get a shot that was a half dribble away from being uncontested.  Meanwhile, one Mr. Wade missed his final four shots, including a layup, and was called for a flagrant foul out of pure frustration.  Roles reversed, LeBron having the fourth Wade had and he would be all but crucified while Wade having the game LeBron had, and he would be praised for the minutes and flexibility of position put in. 

The fast forward another night, and you have the Lakers at the Thunder.  Lakers have a decent lead, and in further proof the NBA is pointless until the final 3 minutes, the Thunder come back and take a late lead.  There are a few seconds left and World Peace is taking the ball out of bounds.  The Lakers run a play, and Blake is wide open in the corner, the ball goes to him for an open three, and he shoots just long.  Now, here is the part I heard nobody point out after the game.  The ball bounces off the rim just past Kobe Bryant.  He did not make the slightest attempt for a rebound, and certainly did not make the heads up play to foul Westbrook, who had come up with the ball.  Instead Kobe throws a fit under the board that will surely be considered “competitiveness” by any LA media outlet.

Well, the Westbrook foul led to an inbound and another foul with 0.3 seconds left.  Durant made the first and missed the rim completely on the second.  So, with 0.3 seconds left the Lakers throw the ball ¾ court, and fail.  But here is what could have happened if Kobe wasn’t complaining about the ball going to a wide open shooter rather than him over multiple 7 footers in the midst of even more traffic.  Kobe could have bounced back after the shot and received an easy rebound, put it back in, and been the hero.  Even if he would have missed the rebound, he could have been in position to foul, saving a minimum of one second.  One second in basketball is 30 seconds in hockey time…you can actually run a play.  The foul would have left nearly a second and a half.  Durant would have shot both and made both, then a time out could bring the up half court.  The Lakers would have been able to run a play for a three pointer to tie and go to overtime.

But no, Kobe was too busy being a baby for not getting the ball in a situation that would have been a horrible idea.  Now, World Peace would have been forgiven because he was trying to get the ball to Kobe, but it would have been the worst decision he could possibly make.  Congrats Kobe, you have proved why basketball is losing the general public.  Intelligent people watch and realize that, while one player can make a difference, basketball is not at all a team game anymore.  You don’t get MJ letting Paxson or Kerr take the last shot, you get Kobe bitch his team to a loss and LeBron get ripped for distributing.  You get Tim Duncan going all but forgotten despite winning four rings by being a part of the epitome of a team.  NBA stars are bigger divas than NFL receivers, which are the only analogy I can think of in sports.  Even star footballers are bigger team players than a guy like Kobe.  So, can the media please stop bowing down to Kobe and ripping LeBron, and actually take a look at the actual play on the court for a change?  A little star accountability and we here at The Stain just may become interested again.

Oh, that’s right, they haven’t been there since the 60’s…but still, a blatant lack of class. Soccer seems to be filled with guys you just love to hate. Depending on your rooting interest, you might hate Wayne Rooney for his loud mouth, Drogba for diving if you look at him wrong, John Terry for sleeping with a teammate’s wife, Adebayor for looking exactly like Plaxico Burress, or Luis Suarez for his overall douchery. But today I believe Carlos Tevez has become public enemy #1 for me, and most United fans. Granted, in his time with United, he and Sir Alex Ferguson were far from buddy buddy, but during the Manchester City victory parade, Carlos Tevez managed to turn a celebration into a controversy. Maybe I am biased being a United fan, or maybe I am just ignorant to the typical celebrations during football victory parades around the world, but during a championship parade after an American championship, I really can’t recall a player taking blatant, cold hearted shots at an opponent. Sure, the 2004 Red Sox may have made some comments about the Yankees blowing a 3-0 series lead, but I don’t recall any of them saying Joe Torre’s career is dead. But Carlos Tevez holds up a “R.I.P Fergie” sign during the Manchester City victory parade, a sign that has actually caused “R.I.P Fergie” to trend on Twitter. Sure, Fergie can be accused of being a hypocrite when complaining of opponents playing dirty or officials making calls that clearly benefit the opposing team, but let’s face it, United probably gets 75% of the calls that could go either way, United does have players like Evra, Ferdinand, and Rooney who can use questionable tactics at times. But Sir Alex is arguably the best manager in the history of English football, much in the way a Phil Jackson or Joe Torre are considered the greats. Yeah, they have great teams with better talent than the other teams in the league, but still manage to keep the egos in check, and lift the talent to a level never before seen. Carlos Tevez is part of the first Manchester City team to win a league title since 1968. Meanwhile Sir Alex Ferguson has 12 league titles, 5 FA cup titles, 10 Community Shields, 2 Champions League titles, and a FIFA Club World Cup title. And that is just with United as a manager. So, go ahead Tevez, turn the day that should be simply a celebration for Manchester City and their fans, but instead all you have done is highlight the fact that City is still United’s little brother. You cannot tell the history of the Premiership without heavily featuring Manchester United and Sir Alex Ferguson. Manchester City will be merely a mention in the history of the league, and Tevez is a name that can easily be overlooked. Go back to enjoying this season’s accomplishments Tevez, United had it’s least talented squad in years this past season and you won on goal differential. You just pissed off Sir Alex, so you can bet United will load up going into next year, and leave you in the dust. Enjoy this while you can.