Yup, he’s a basketball player and I hate basketball… but by all accounts, he’s the sympathetic and decent sort, aka, the 1% in basketball. Seriously, is there a sorrier group of people, ranging all the way from the fans who go to the games to the executives who own the teams, in any walk of life? With the players, you have unabashed narcissism coupled with IQs that barely remove them from Special Olympics eligibility. Seriously, who are the NBA’s biggest stars. Arguably, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard? Is there a single sympathetic character among them? You could make arguments in defense of Kevin Durant because he still kisses his mommy, which is cute, but he hasn’t been around long enough to do anything super evil yet. And it’s not just this generation of players. Michael Jordan is a gigantic, uh, donkey orifice. Remember, he sported a Hitler mustache for a while. We can go on forever but in the interest of moving this forward, we won’t. You have media who, as what can only be described as a giant middle finger to the craft of journalism, spew fawning word vomit devoid of any real analysis at volume levels that should be reserved for a metal concert, with grammar acumen that should be reserved for speakers of English as an eighth language. (editor’s note: the owners are part of the problem, for sure, but Mark Cuban gets one in the positive column here for telling it like it is to Skip Bayless.) You have fans that riot and cause public destruction, whether their team wins or loses the championship.

You have a commissioner who is unapologetically corrupt. You have greedy owners who collude with one another, break the hearts of cities by taking their teams elsewhere, somehow manage to be greedier than even the players, and goodness knows how many malfeasances one could find with even the most cursory of perusals over financial histories. Am I missing anyone? Oh yeah, a ref who has admitted influencing games for betting’s sake. Where does it stop?

Now, we have reports from ESPN, also part of the problem incidentally, that some NBA executives are upset that Steve Nash was somehow allowed to join the Lakers. Really? A 38-year-old who, though still good, is easily closer to the end than the beginning joins the Lakers, about whom the same description can be offered, and people are upset? What is it with these idiots? After all, it wouldn’t even be an issue if David Stern hadn’t nullified a trade that essentially sent an entire starting lineup to New Orleans and Chris Paul to the Lakers, under the premise that New Orleans was better off keeping Paul, before sending Paul to the Clippers for pennies on the dollar of what they’d have received in the initial trade, dooming the Hornets to at LEAST another 5 years of cellar dwelling. It’s almost like that movie, Major League, where the owner wants the team to be awful so she can move it to Miami. Except the team ends up being good and everyone lives happily ever after. Only this story has no happy ending, except for those possibly going on in shady massage parlors. It has no ending. Because every time you think the ridiculousness has reached its maximum, like with those stupid lensless costume glasses so many of the players wear these days, something else will happen that defies reason. How often can a circular firing squad shoot without eventually hitting itself?

One for the good guys:  Props to the fans in Kansas City. They really got it right cheering for Chipper Jones, RA Dickey and Melky Cabrera. It was wonderful to see Chipper get a hit in the last all star at bat of his brilliant career. And Dickey, the veteran knuckleballer who defied all odds and found awesomeness in his late 30s got a nice reception as well, and scoreless inning to his credit. And MVP Cabrera, who plied his trade in KC before joining the Giants was still cheered like a hometown boy. I wish every city’s fans got it. KC can be proud that their fans do.

Matt Kemp is dominating this homerun derby. You know Dodger fans are liking this. They desperately need their slugger back and healthy. Kemp just hit another one out of the yard!!! One more, and he will clinch the derby!!! Wow, what a blast that was!!! Here’s the pitch… and it’s hammered!!! Goodbye!!! Kemp is jumping up and down with his teammates and…oh no… his leg just folded up like a taco… Oooooh, Shaun Livingston on the Clippers a few years back has nothing on this. Oh my… that looks career ending, and the once promising season the Dodgers were looking at is down the tubes…

I actually wrote more, but removed it… because you know, we’re a family friendly blog here… and 27 consecutive F bombs are not family friendly…

With professional sports under more and more scrutiny regarding the legitimacy of their all-star games and the events of the surrounding days, MLB has just missed a golden opportunity to bolster the ever popular home run derby and feature the games young stars.  I am a fan of the new NL vs. AL setup, but wouldn’t it be great to have the first batter of each team be a rookie eligible player?  Think about it, this year to jump start the derby it is Bryce Harper and Mike Trout.  What better way to showcase and give the nation a better way to get to know the faces of the future than in a laid back, up close and personal event like the derby?  Granted, not all years would be so great, but you can just about always guarantee at least one big name.  Last year, Freddie Freeman would have faced off against either Mark Trumbo or Eric Hosmer.  The previous year the AL would be at a bit of a disadvantage with Brennan Boesch facing Jason Heyward, and the year before that the hyped Gordon Beckham would have been matched against the unknown future star Andrew McCutchen.   Next year what better way for the casual baseball fan to get to know the future star of the Blue Jays than seeing Travis d’Arnaud in the derby?  And who better to face him than another little known, big hype prospect than a guy like Starling Marte?  Baseball needs to better market itself to the next generation of baseball fans, and the derby is one of the events that caters to them, so, MLB, do yourself a favor, and introduce the next generation of fans to the next generation of stars on a more personal, fun level, and make this addition to the Home Run Derby.

 

The Pat Tillman story is one of the greatest/saddest stories in American sports history. He is a man that turned down a multi-million dollar contract at 25 years of age to join his brother, who turned down a pro baseball contract, and enlisted in the Army. Pat was deployed and was a part of the initial invasion of Operation Iraqi Freedom. After, he didn’t return home, he returned to Ranger School, where he and his brother graduated, and were redeployed to Afghanistan as Rangers. Then, on April 22, 2004, in Sperah, Afghanistan, Pat Tillman and part of his unit were redirected down a separate path than the rest of the unit to assist a broken down Humvee. They were ambushed, held there position, and in a tragic event, the rest of the unit heard the gunfire, returned fire, and killed Pat Tillman in friendly fire. I can tell you the exact location I was the moment I heard this on the radio. I had just ordered and was in line waiting in a Jack in the Box drive through on my way to class when I was attending Moorpark College. I have no shame in admitting I pulled up to the window with tears rolling down my face, in fact, just thinking of the story gets me teary eyed to this day. There is no such thing as worthy thank you to any who have served our country, nor their families, and just because Pat Tillman was a professional athlete doesn’t mean the others that have made the sacrifice are any less worthy of incredible recognition and gratitude. That said, Dan Patrick, back when he was still on ESPN radio offered the greatest sports suggestion of all-time, and to this day, I am still saddened when I see it was never put into play. He suggested that the 40 yard lines at all Arizona Cardinals home games have a Red and Blue stripe on either side of the white line marker in honor of Pat Tillman, as his number was 40. If for no other reason than for when the next generation of football fans asks why the 40 yard line in Arizona looks like that, we can all share the story of Pat Tillman’s incredible sacrifice.

I will take any excuse to share the story of Pat Tillman, but tonight was as good as any. Tonight, early in the second round of the NBA draft, a man by the name of Bernard James was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, later traded to the Dallas Mavericks. Now, most people wouldn’t know the name, in fact, I didn’t until tonight either, however, the 6’10” 230 lbs., 27 year old Power Forward was the oldest collegiate athlete drafted in the NBA in over 20 years. Why is he such an old draft pick, and why does the Pat Tillman story and my personal experience with it have to do with Bernard James? Well, Bernard James is just under 6 months older than me, and back when I was entering my senior year of high school, worried about chasing girls, playing baseball, and seeing how loud I could get my truck speakers to go, Bernard James was enrolling in the United States Air Force. Since then, he spent six years in the Air Force, three tours of duty through Iraq, Afghanistan, and Qatar, and earned the rank of Staff Sergeant. After his six years, he attended Florida State where he carried a 3.0 GPA and played basketball. Now that he is a NBA draftee and newest member of the Dallas Mavericks, hopefully many more will hear his story, but regardless, here at the stain, Mr. James, we salute and thank you.

Most sports fans probably don’t even care to watch tennis.  In fact, I really only watch Wimbledon and the French, but there is a chance that all changes today.  One problem I have with tennis, is the lack of parody.  Each tournament has only one question, Djokovic, Nadal, Federer…which one won’t make it to the final?  Well, this year, for just the second time in the last 28 Grand Slams…two will not be there.  Federer and Djokovic are in the same half of the bracket as one another, and Nadal was in the other.  I say was because he fell to the 100th ranked player today, a guy who had never won a professional match on grass until just a couple weeks ago.  I then looked at the other names on Nadal’s side of the bracket, and you know what I found?  Every other name in tennis that are great to watch but can’t break through the stranglehold of the big 3.  Jo-Wilfried Tsonga is one of the most fun guys to watch play tennis.  While just 6’2″ 200lbs. he can crush the ball and is built like a hard hitting safety rather than a tennis player.  Andy Murray looks to become the first English born Wimbledon champion since Fred Perry…in 1936!  Andy Roddick looks to get back to his winning ways on the court, cause it is clear he has already won off the court since he is married to Brooklyn Decker.  Then there is Mardy Fish.  Fish is playing in his first tournament since having heart surgery just over a month ago.  Let me say that again, HEART SURGERY JUST OVER A MONTH AGO.  Don’t worry, it wasn’t open heart surgery or anything, they just had to remove faulty electrical pathways in the heart and insert catheters into blood vessels, no biggie.  Maybe a new name in the Wimbledon final can create a buzz like the Federer-Nadal fifth set tie-breaker a few years ago when you couldn’t even see the TVs at Costco due to the crowds gathered to watch the final.  Do yourself a favor, pull up a chair, and watch what could shape up to be the most interesting Wimbledon in a long long time.

Due to some traveling over the past week or so, I have been unable to get a new Smear up despite several happenings Smear worthy.  So, naturally, I have decided to do a rapid fire wrap up of the past week or so.

• Jerry Sandusky – Enjoy Hell.
• Joel Peralta – Got an 8 game suspension for pine tar on his glove, but Brett Lawrie got 4 for slamming a helmet down at an umpire and hitting him with it on the bounce….something seems off there. 
• Davey Johnson – Really, you are going to bring attention to the pine tar on his glove?  I am sure you didn’t stand for it when he was on your team right?  Hypocritical much?
• People who care about pine tar – Relax, it isn’t that big a deal.  When I was in high school and it was cold and/or wet, I rubbed a bunch of pine tar in my back pocket so I could get a little grip when the ball started to slip.  Also, lick your fingers then toss a rosin bag…it may be just as effective as pine tar…complaints about pine tar are as weak as Davey Johnson’s insult to Joe Maddon…seriously?!?!  “Weird Wuss” was the best you could come up with?
• LeBron – Thank you for winning a championship.  Finally we can listen to the two most annoying voices in sports, Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless, argue about something else.
• First Take – Really?!?! Two days after LeBron wins you have the two most annoying voices in sports argue who is under more pressure to win, Vick or Tebow?!?!  Congrats, you have mastered the art of mass murdering sports stories, well done.
• Casey Affleck – Ok, this one might actually be cool, he has bought the rights to write and direct a Josh Hamilton movie.  Only question would be who plays who in the movie.  Here are my first thoughts.  Josh Hamilton–>Cole Hauser or Matthew McConaughey.  Nolan Ryan–>The bald dude from Lost.  Ron Washington–>the kid that was with the Rangers a couple years ago who mastered the look of Ron Washington.
• NHL Draft – Does it right.  Drafts are strangely addicting sports events.  But only the NHL brings it to it’s fans.  A different city every year, giving every fan at least one opportunity in their lifetime to attend the draft and root for their team.  I was lucky enough to go to the one in LA a few years ago.  I physically assaulted the cup, was asked to get out of his seat by Tyler Seguin, shook Luc Robitaille’s hand, celebrated with a random family as their son got drafted, and negotiated a trade where I sent the entire Kings draft to Pittsburgh for Crosby with Dan Bylsma…he didn’t seem very happy with me as he stormed off after the conversation, and probably for the best that he backed out given the Kings won the cup this year and Crosby has hardly played since then.  Those are just a few events that happened on the second day of the NHL draft I attended.  Could you imagine the event if Jerry Jones got to host the NFL draft?  200,000 tickets to the event would be sold over the three days easy.  NBA draft on South Beach…half the first round would be arrested by weekends end.  MLB draft at Wrigley…finally something Cubs fans could root for.  C’mon NBA, NFL, and MLB, take a page from the NHL and bring your draft to your fans!

Here at The Stain, we generally try to stay away from politics treat just about any topic as fair game, so why not politics too. I can’t speak for Shaun, but let me just get something out of the way real quick. Barack Obama will once again get my vote for president, something I waffled between regretting and being glad I did many times during his first four years in office. And I say first four years under the assumption that there are going to be another four. Because really, how can there not be. I can’t be the only one out there who will be casting my ballot in favor of the President by sole virtue of the fact that he is not Mitt Romney. Can you really imagine a guy whose camp makes a public big deal about a tongue in cheek joke that could easily be interpreted as a compliment regarding a popular athlete?

Recently, the Red Sox traded popular third baseman Kevin Youkilis to the White Sox (who would ever have thought you’d say the names Kevin Youkilis and Brent Lillibridge in the same sentence not involving a play at 3rd). The trade tugged at the heartstrings of the Boston community, and understandably so. Youk, as he’s affectionately known by fans and teammates, is emblematic of Bostonians; intense, hard-working, blue-collar and driven. But, all those things or otherwise, Youk had struggled with injuries and sub-standard performance for him. Meanwhile, rookie Will Middlebrooks was excelling. It was time for the old soldier to move to the next army. Sure, Red Sox fans rank among the most obnoxious and irritating people in the history of people, but they are not devoid of emotion. That trade, while right for the team, hurt them.

Back to Romney, being from Boston, it’s not exactly a stretch that he’s a Red Sox fan. So when Obama hit the campaign trail in Boston to try and wrangle up some support, he made a cheeky, even a bit funny, comment thanking Boston for trading Youk to his hometown White Sox, eliciting calls of “Yoooouuuuuk!!!” from the audience. Read between the lines, and the President’s comment amounts to, paraphrased of course, “Thanks for trading us your good player, we’re gonna love him in Chicago.”

Of course, knowing who the Republican camp is, an idiotic retort wasn’t exactly beyond the stretch of the imagination… but who would have expected this:

Maybe the president should have congratulated the team for winning the World Series in 2004 and 2007. Instead, he chose to mock them for trading away one of its favorite players at a time when the team is struggling.

Those were the words of Romney press secretary, Andrea Saul. Are. You. Kidding me? She would have the president say, “Hey, congrats on those two world series titles 5 and 8 years ago! How about a vote, eh!” The country is on the precipice of a historic election, and that’s the best youv’e got? I’ve never been a mathlete, but this law of averages thing that everyone learned about in middle school is finally making sense to me. There is an average intelligence because there are both smart and dumb people. And in the immortal words of the late, great comedian George Carlin, “Think about how dumb the average person is, and then think. Half the people are dumber than that!”

In fairness, stupidity is not limited to the Romney camp. Inexplicably, White House press secretary Jay Carney felt the need to respond. Really, he did. In a time where a federal healthcare reform law hangs in the balance, the economy still in a struggle, joblessness still rampant, it’s a popular but aging third baseman our presidential candidates are quibbling over.

My blood pressure medication is currently not working.

After the last two games of one hit shutout victories, R.A. Dickey is quickly becoming a household name.  The soon to be 38 year old pitcher has finally caught his groove and made a name for himself over the past two years in his 9^th and 10^th big league seasons with his 4^th team.  Last season his stat lines were respectable outside of his win/loss record which was largely a result of a horrid Mets team, but this year, he is on pace to win the MLB pitching triple crown and could run away with the Cy Young award.  Matt Cain and Brandon Beachy have pitched incredibly this year, but neither can hold a candle to Dickey.  The knuckle ball pitcher is leading all starting pitchers in pitch percentage inside the strike zone.  That is a far cry from the knuckle ball stereotype perfectly summed up by Bob Uecker when he said, “How do you catch a knuckle ball?  You wait until it stops rolling and you pick it up.”  Take a look at Dickey’s stats, go ahead, but do yourself a favor, don’t look up the NL leaders, look it up as the MLB leaders.  ERA, he is tied with Beachy with an ERA of 2.00.  Wins…his 11-1 mark tops the bigs.  Strikeouts…103 ties him with the major league lead with JUSTIN VERLANDER!!!  WHIP…yeah, his 0.89 leads baseball.  He is even tied with Morrow and Verlander with in complete games.  Finally you will come across a stat he doesn’t lead, that is opponent’s batting average…he is fourth with a .194.  So, the guy who throws one of the most unique pitches in baseball has learned how to control it better than anyone ever has and is making one of my favorites, Tim Wakefield, look pedestrian.  In fact, this season is arguably better than any hall of fame knuckler, Phil Niekro or Hoyt Willhelm, has ever had.  I personally will put aside my New York hatred and root for Dickey to keep it up because watching a guy demonstrate such incredible mastery of a pitch and his profession is something special, and I can’t wait to see more.

About a week ago, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing a show in Columbus, Ohio.  The crowd, made up largely of Ohio State students, was giving the band a roaring ovation as the show ended.  As many a drummer is known to do, Chad Smith walked to the front of the stage and tossed his drum sticks into the crowd causing an even bigger ovation.  Then he did something that is either the dumbest or ballsiest move ever.  Having grown up in Michigan and being a huge Wolverine fan, he picked up a mic and began singing “Hail to the Victors”.  The crowd immediately went from incredible cheers, to some of the loudest boos you will ever hear.  Regardless, the video is classic, and another story, and the video, can be found here.

There was a time when lawyers were counted on to make sure the scales of justice balanced evenly, that the little guy didn’t get bullied by the big mean government, or the big bad corporation. And while I’m sure those folks are out there, it appears that more and more of them are idiotic swine.

Seriously, I should be gloating about how the Kings won the Stanley Cup, about how I’m a moron for not placing $100 on that in Vegas before the season began, like I had been bragging I would do. I should really be talking about anything… anything at all, except for the legal representatives of jailed boxing champ, Floyd Mayweather.  Yet, that’s where I find myself. You see, these weasels actually had the nerve to make a statement that Mayweather’s detainment in solitary confinement was hurting his career, financially and emotionally.

There is no reason for anyone, never mind a lawyer, to make such a statement unless they were positioning for a potential lawsuit. Anyway, so far, the Nevada police has not issued a response, though I think maybe they should. Here, I’ll even write it for them:

In response to the statements by Mr. Mayweather’s attorneys, it is our belief that what is actually hurting Mr. Mayweather’s career is that he elected to commit a crime, causing him to be incarcerated. And not just any crime, mind you. A violent crime. Specifically, this is a case of a boxing champion hitting a woman. So, excuse us for not being overly concerned that Mr. Mayweather is falling out of shape a bit during his sentence, a piss poor excuse for justice by the way, as the few months he has to serve pale in comparison to the years anyone without his celebrity status would have to serve. So shut it, you ((expletives deleted)).