10) Roger Craig – No not the running back, but the former New York Mets Pitcher and San Francisco Giants manager. In the early ‘90’s, while managing the Giants, he showed up on the bench with a bandaged hand due to a deep cut he had suffered the night before. What is the big deal about a guy cutting his hand? How about the fact he cut it while attempting to unstrap a woman’s bra? I can guarantee a pillow with a bra strapped to it was placed in his office in the coming days for him to practice on.
9) Ken Griffey Jr. – This is one I can actually relate to. I pitched when I was in high school. One day, as I go through my leg kick in my pitching motion, I feel an incredible pain. It was one of my testicles popping out of my cup and getting pinched as I followed through. I sucked it up, held back the tears, finished the inning, removed the cup and never wore one again. Well…Ken Griffey Jr. managed to pinch his testicles in his cup so bad he actually had to take a few games off.
8) Ron Russell – If you haven’t played disk golf, you are missing out. A nice Saturday afternoon, out at a park, a case of beer, chucking things at a pole with chains dangling from it. It really is surprisingly enjoyable. That said, you are not pulling any ladies at the bar for being a professional disk golfer, especially if you are Ron Russell. At a PDGA (Professional Disk Golf Association) event in 2000, Ron was on the 5th hole in the rough. He took a mighty swing, and his hand slams straight into a tree…breaking his hand.
7) Chris Coghlan – Quite possibly the best headline I have seen was one day I go to yahoo.com and see the title of a story “Marlin’s Coghlan tears knee in cream pie attack”. At first I was afraid Coghlan had taken Roger Craig’s injury to the next level, but then I cautiously viewed the video, it was just him trying to shove a shaving cream pie in the face of a teammate after a game winning hit. Coghlan slipped, tore his meniscus, and missed the rest of the season.
6) John Smoltz – Do you ever put on a shirt, look down and realize it has a wrinkled crease right across the front of it? You probably take it off and iron it, throw it in the dryer, or (I assume if you are a reader of ours) just say screw it and wear it anyway. Not John Smoltz. He reportedly had to miss a start after trying to iron his shirt…while wearing it. As you can guess, he burnt himself pretty bad. Now, there have been reports since that it was not an iron, but rather a steamer…but is that really any better?
5) Plaxico Burress – You know the story. Plax is a NFL star, so it is apparently acceptable to show up to a club wearing sweatpants, but it takes a really dumb NFL star to have a handgun tucked into said sweatpants. It takes someone truly special to proceed to somehow click the gun off safety and pull the trigger, shooting himself in the leg. I guess he should just be happy the bullet made it to his leg and not somewhere else.
4) Gus Frerotte – You have all seen the classic video. Frerotte scrambles in a 1997 game, scores a touchdown, and instead of doing a pre-choreographed touchdown dance, he runs head first into the wall. At first it just looked like a comically dumb move, but then the second half of the game comes around and he is not in the game. Turns out the guy gave himself a concussion.
3) Bill Gramatica – You remember the Gramatica’s. Kick a 23 yard field goal in the first quarter and jump up and down celebrating like they just won a big game. Then, against the Giants in 2001, what we had all been hoping for finally happened. Granted it wasn’t Lawrence Taylor sprinting out of the stands and drilling him to make the insane celebration end, it was Bill Gramatica himself. On his second or third leap for joy, his ACL blew, proving yet again that kickers are not worthy of being called football players.
2) Paulo Diogo – Sometimes you see a kicker wearing his wedding band, you always see guys wearing their flashy diamond studs, and you see baseball players wearing a cross around their necks. But never has wearing a piece of jewelry caused a person so much pain as Paulo Diogo in 2004. After scoring a goal in a Swiss Super League match, he jumped up on the metal fencing separating the field from the stands. When he jumped off, his wedding band got caught on the fence. The fence won taking the ring and most of his finger with it. Diogo appealed to the official asking he stall the game so he could go back and find his finger and ring. The official showed Diogo no sympathy and actually booked him with a yellow card for excessive celebration. After the game, the hospital informed him they could not re-attach the finger and recommended amputation.
1) Slobodan Jankovic – I thought the Gus Frerotte injury after head-butting a wall was bad until I did some research for this Smear and read the story of Serbian basketball player Slobodan Jankovic in a Greek basketball playoff game. He fouled out of an important playoff game, and as you may expect, he was not very happy about the scenario. In his frustration, he decided to head-butt a concrete post in the arena, immediately dropping him to the floor. He hit his head hard enough that his survival was of concern to the medical personnel. He survived the self-inflicted head-butt, but permanently damaged his spinal cord and has been paralyzed waist down ever since.