Category: Uncategorized

You, Michael Vick, are no Role Model

In Dallas, TX, they do not have a vice mayor, but instead have a Mayor Pro Tem that essentially handles the same duties.  One duty he is not responsible for is giving out the key to the city.  Only the Mayor can give that out at an officially sanctioned ceremony.  Well, the Mayor Pro Tem of Dallas forgot about that rule, staged his own ceremony, and awarded the key to the city to none other than, wait for it, Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback and convicted dog killer Michael Vick.  As a Cowboy fan, I have to ask one question…WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING?!?!?!  Not only is this happening on a weekend where the two teams with more championships than the home town team are playing in the Super Bowl in the Cowboys home stadium, not only are you giving the key to the city to a bitter rival, but you give it to a guy who ran a dog fighting ring, murdered innocent dogs, and you called him a role model at the ceremony.  It is great that Michael Vick has come out of prison and become a very good NFL quarterback again, but how is he a role model?  I am sick and tired of hearing people talk about what a great story Michael Vick is and how much he has overcome.  Overcome?!?!  The man was arrested, convicted, and served time in prison because he broke the law.  He gave a public apology for making a “mistake”.  Calling your girlfriend and exes name is a mistake, trust me I have done it, running a dog fighting ring and killing dogs is consciously breaking the law and being, in my mind, a cold-hearted killer.  He was lucky to get another shot at the NFL, and it is nice to see him playing well because he is an immensely talented and enjoyable to watch, but spare me on the role model type.  Michael Vick getting the key to the city in Dallas would be like OJ Simpson becoming the new Touchdown Jesus at Notre Dame, Lawrence Taylor becoming Joe Thiemann’s physical therapist (“Here, snort this, your leg will feel better”), or Barry Bonds becoming the Dodgers strength and conditioning coach.  We don’t need Michael Vick to be a role model, we need him to shut up and try to not get anyone shot the next time he has a party.  Let’s focus more on the guys like Drew Brees that don’t have a massive arrest record, don’t have 8 kids with 6 different women, but instead actually give back to the community.  Saying Michael Vick is a role model is an insult to every decent human being currently in professional sports.  Michael Vick has done despicable things in his time, let’s not confuse his recent success and ability to not get arrested for the past two years as a sign he is someone for kids to look up to.  If we go down that path, this country will fall apart even quicker than it already is.

 

-Shaun Kernahan



Packin’ Heat

It’s a pretty simple argument why the Packers are going to win. Jesus is on their side. Just ask any member of a previous winning Superbowl team. They always thank Jesus. Funny how the losing team never blames him for a critical fumble, missed tackle, etc. But either way, if Jesus lets the Steelers win, he would be advocating such gross misconducts as sexual assault and riding a motorcycle without a helmet (in that order). And let’s face it, Jesus has a reputation to uphold. Fearless (if slightly inebriated) prediction: Pack 27-20 over the Steelers. Surprise hero will be James Starks who will put up 85 yards and a touchdown against the Yellow Curtain’s vaunted run defense… but Aaron Rodgers will still get the mvp award because Jesus (there he is again) has a thing for quarterbacks.

-Torsten

Knock Knock Knocking on Seven’s Door

Jerry’s world will play host to the Packers and the Steelers in the big game on Sunday.  The Steelers are chasing their seventh championship since the merger, the most over the Cowboys and 49ers both stuck at 5.  It seems the general consensus for most fans that don’t have a dog in this fight (insert Mike Vick joke here) are rooting for the Packers.  But what about the Steelers?  Clearly god is on the Steelers side.  How else can you explain Big Ben getting away with “allegedly” sexually assaulting women on two separate occasions?  True, Ben was suspended for six games this season, but his good behavior, aka not raping any new girls in public restrooms, reduced the suspension to 4 games.  And now he is going up against a team with the quarterback that replaces the guy that text his little gunslinger to reporters.  I would not be surprised to see the Packers take a big first half lead, then Troy Polamalu will hide one of Jerry’s pole dancers from the open end of the stadium in his hair, stash her in the bathroom, send Big Ben in there to get back into his “rhythm”, and lead the Steelers to a second half comeback with his favorite final score 34-28(-36).

 

-Shaun Kernahan



Umpire Ejection League

We have decided to create a 6 person umpire ejection league in our office. 6 people drafting 3 umpires, whoever gets the most ejections come the end of the season wins. Here are the people and their umpires:

Brett – Bob Davidson, Adrian Johnson, & Ron Kulpa
Torsten – Joe West, Chris Guccione, & Paul Schrieber
Brandi – Hunter Wendelstedt, Bill Welke, & Mike Everitt
Frank – Angel Hernandez, Tim Welke, & CB Bucknor
Nick – Tim Timmons, Rob Drake, & John Hirschbeck
Shaun – D.J. Reyburn, Angel Campos, & Marvin Hudson