Please Leave a Message After the Beep

Bill Self, University of Kansas basketball coach, runs an organization where you can give a $5 donation to his Assists Foundation which raises money for a shopping trip Kansas players and staff take each winter to buy gifts and necessities for needy families over the holidays. What does the $5 get you other than the satisfaction of donating to a charitable organization? It enters you in a raffle to have Self leave a custom-made voicemail greeting on your phone. A fantastic idea that got us thinking, what sports personalities would we want as our voicemail greeting. Well, here is a sampling of the ones we are prepared to buy a raffle ticket for:

Allen Iverson – “Voicemail. Come on people. Voicemail? We’re talking about voicemail. Not a phone conversation. Voicemail… we’re talking about voice… not a conversation. Voicemail.”

Jim Mora – “Voicemail? You’ve got to be kidding me. Voicemail? You’ve got to dial the phone first!”

John Rocker – “Leave a message you @#$%… unless of course you are a (ethnic slur), (ethnic slur), or an (derogatory word) that rides the 8 train, in which case you can go @#$% yourself.”

Rafael Palmeiro – “I have never, NEVER called, and not left a message.”

Barry Bonds – “Let me make myself clear. Leave a message, or I’ll cream you.”

Dennis Green – “You called who you thought you called.”

Roger Clemens – “In case you have misremembered, this is {insert name}’s voicemail and he will get back to you after listening to it through his third ear.”

Joe Horn – “Just found this phone under the goal post, leave your message, I gotta fine to pay.”

Stevie Johnson – “I praise you every day, and this is how you do me, you call and don’t leave a message?”

Brett Favre – “Leave a voicemail, or I will text you.”

Ricky Williams – “{the bubbling sound of a bong}”

Mark McGwire – “I am not here to discuss the past; I am here to tell you to leave a message.”

T.O. – “Talking about my quarterback man, my quarterback…oh, I don’t have one anymore? Never mind, just get some popcorn ready and leave a message.”

Randy Moss – “Straight voicemail homie.”

Mike Tyson – “I gonna eat your tildwen if you don’t weave a message.”

Matt Stairs – “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done, except leaving a message.”

The Voice from Field of Dreams – “If you leave one, he will call”

Chico Escuela – “Joor message has been berry berry good to me.”

Yogi Berra – “When you come to the beep on this call…leave it.”

Jack Buck – “I don’t believe what I just heard; you don’t want to leave a message?”

Bo Jackson – “Bo knows you should leave a message.”

Muhammad Ali – “I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, you better leave a message if you wanna hear from me.”

Patrick Roy – “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, I had both my Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears, leave a message instead.”

Chris Carter – “All I do is catch touchdowns, all you need to do is leave a message.”

Bert Blyleven – “See, what you do here… message.. uh… leave a call… AW @#$%, MAN, I JUST @#$%#ED THAT UP SO @#$%ING BAD, can we do that again? Oh, this is recording??? Oh I am so sorry. Please leave a message and, again, I am very sorry about that…”

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