U.S.A. Wins the World Cup

I would like to congratulate the U.S.A. football team, ranked #1 in the world by a particular governing body with two “F’s”, an “I”, and an “A” in it’s name, for winning the World Cup on European soil this weekend. Now, most of you are probably thinking, “Shaun, you do realize the women lost in the World Cup final to Japan, right?” And the answer is yes, yes I do. But, while I will allow Hope Solo to dive for my balls anytime she would like, I am not talking about the Women’s World Cup. I am in fact referring to the IFAF World Cup of American Football. Yes, over the past two weeks, while anchors on SportsCenter trying to fill time after the Women’s World Cup highlights with NBA and NFL lockout news and “how to fix the MLB all-star game” discussions, 8 countries “battled” it out in a world championship tournament of football. Led behind starting QB Cody Hawkins, who you may remember being benched by his head coach/father for sucking at the University of Colorado, former D-III stand out Nate Kmic, and one half a dingle-berry, unfortunately only Johnny Dingle made this squad, the USA defended their 2007 championship, becoming the first two-time winners. The USA escaped the group stage by winning 61-0, 48-7, and 17-7 over Australia, Germany, and Mexico respectively, for a point differential of 126-14. This set up a final match against our neighbors from the North, Canada. Canada was also 3-0, with a point differential of 112-51 and wins over Japan, France, and Austria. U.S.A. battled to a 7-0 first quarter lead, but then a big facemask call in the second quarter lit a spark under the U.S. team scoring 30 points for a 37-7 half time lead. Cody Hawkins was pulled in the second half, and some guy who apparently played QB at Georgetown, didn’t even know they had a football team, cut up the center of the field for another TD on the first possession of the second half and lead the USA to a 50-7 final score. Nate Kmic won the player of the tournament, but the real winners were all the former high school football players who are holding onto the glory days, because this tournament proved that even if you can hardly play a game of two-hand touch with your buddies anymore, a team of you and your buddies are probably still better than a team from any other country when it comes to American football. And for that I say God Bless the U.S.A.

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