When listening to an ESPN podcast, a question came up about which fictional baseball character the guys would take in a fantasy draft. That then spawned us at The Stain to hold our own fictional fantasy draft. There were three of us, and you might be surprised by who doesn’t get drafted.
Torsten:
P) Kenny Powers – Round 3
P) Sidd Finch – Round 6
P) Sam Malone – Round 8
P) Ed Harris – Round 10
IF) Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez – Round 2
IF) Clue Haywood – Round 5
OF) Roy Hobbs – Round 1
OF) Juan Primo- Round 7
C) Jack Parkman- Round 4
Utility) Jimmy Duggan- Round 9
Utility) Taka “Kamakaze” Tanaka- Round 11
Brandi:
P) Billy Chapel- Round 1
P) Ryan Dunne- Round 2
P) Miles Pennfield- Round 6
P) Eric Van Leemer- Round 11
IF) Miles Darlymple- Round 3
IF) Lou Collins- Round 5
OF) Scott Smalls- Round 4
OF) Bobby Rayburn- Round 8
C) Crash Davis- Round 7
Utility) G-Baby- Round 9
Utility) Billy Brubaker- Round 10
Shaun:
P) Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh- Round 1
P) Mel Clark- Round 4
P) Steve Nebraska- Round 7
P) Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn- Round 11
IF) Jack Elliot- Round 2
IF) Stan Ross- Round 6
OF) Willy Mays Hayes (Wesley Snipes Version)- Round 3
OF) Billy “Downtown” Anderson- Round 5
C) Jake Taylor- Round 8
Utility) Ed- Round 9
Utility) Kelly Leake- Round 10
Shaun’s take: Usually Brandi is pretty legit when it comes to sports, but this draft she proved that her taste in baseball movies are truly that of a female. I love For the Love of the Game and Summer Catch, and I have no problem admitting that, but Billy Chapel in the first round and practically the entire roster from Summer Catch…you got to be kidding me. I got lucky with Wild Thing and Kelly Leake falling to me very late. Add Mr. Baseball and Mr. 3000 and I have a solid infield. Plus, I own every pitching category. Now, one of my utility spots is a better real ballplayer than fantasy, but Ed owned the hot corner in the movie…Ed. Torsten is sure he has the power numbers with Haywood and Parkman, but neither come through in the clutch, and his ace is Kenny Powers…weak. Brandi certainly gets some steals and OBP help with G-Baby, mostly because applying a tag and finding the strikezone against a small 5 year old has got to be difficult. To me, the biggest shock of the draft was the fact that nobody from Rookie of the Year made the list. Chet Stedman and Henry Rowengardner are definitely better pitchers than the likes of Van Leemer, Sam Malone, and Ed Harris.
Torsten’s Take: I would like to start by saying, there is no way I’m not running away with the championship here. The Natural was, well, the natural pick at first overall. Hell, the best that ever lived, right? I’ll admit that position scarcity played a role in Benny the Jet at number two, but overall, I cleaned up. True, Parkman and Haywood each have a one movie history of failing in clutch situations… against a guy who throws triple digits! Lest we forget, Harris went the first 8 in Major League 1, and to quote the great Harry Doyle (the incredibly awesome Bob Eucker), “That’ll do it for Harris, he has pitched a beauty.” Nuff said, not worried about my pitching. Shaun already astutely pointed out the flaws in Brandi’s draft so I need not say more. However, I was a little miffed. She didn’t take this very seriously, and if you can’t take a fantasy baseball draft involving only fictional characters seriously, well then I might not want to play with you. So there. On to Shaun’s team, the Wild Thing Vaughn, Jack Elliot, and Willie Mays Hayes were good value where he got them, as was Kelly Leake at the end, but I wouldn’t be criticising anyone else’s pitching with Nuke LaLoosh as my ace… Just sayin’. If I had to be surprised that someone got snubbed, it would be a tie between Pedro Cerrano and Hank Bell. You just can’t leave power like that sitting around on the waiver wire. As far as pitching goes, Stedman’s arm went out and Rowengartner is just BEGGING for Tommy John surgery. You can’t be 12, throw 113mph, and not get hurt. Just ask Joel Zumaya. If you need some innings and possibly a win, Bill Wedman is still out there, but he does pitch for Seattle… and a 10 year old manager.
We were throwing around idea of a fictional hockey draft too, but Brandi called dibs on everyone from Mystery Alaska, and you can’t make two competitive squads using Slap Shot and the Mighty Ducks octology, or however many they made.
We’re open to suggestions.
The Stain Sports 