Recently, minor league hockey team the Bakersfield Condors announced that they would be holding “Charlie Sheen Night” at their March 12th game. Of course, all two of us at The Stain immediately got excited. We figured the first thousand fans would be treated to a hooker and two grams of blow. What a great idea!!! Sadly, there’s a more virtuous story behind it. Any fan who shows up with a clean drug screening gets in for free. There’s also some other nonsense about dressing up like any of Sheen’s movie characters and getting discounted admission. Either way, anticlimactic, if not a bad idea anyway.
This got me thinking, why don’t more teams have nights named after idiot celebrities? The possibilities are endless. You could have Brittany Spears night where any woman having a meltdown in a local barbershop and shaving her head gets free tickets. You could have Rae Carruth night, where any man who can prove he didn’t murder his girlfriend (perhaps having her join him would suffice) gets a free milkshake. Or Twilight night, where anyone who is willing to dress up as one of the characters from that insipid movie and book series and then get punched in the face by me eight times gets in for free. I’ll open it up to the floor for more ideas but I think we may be on to something here.
Changing gears, Shaun’s story below is truly a nice one. And while it does show that there are things that transcend rivalries and restores a bit of faith in the human spirit, I must disagree with one thing. I don’t think it will dampen the rivalry between the Red Sox and @#$%ing Yankees. I mean, uh, the New York Yankees. All it will take in my opinion is some AJ Burnett chin music to the hot headed Kevin Youkilis and the soup will be simmering again.
Lastly, it was nice to see that Tim Tebow and Amare Stoudamire spoke up in defense of BYU’s Brandon Davies, who has been dismissed from the basketball team after having pre-marital sex with his girlfriend, violating the institution’s honor code. It’s 2011, and while that in no way should mean that people should forsake virtue and honor in favor of debauchery, it’s not like the kid did anything illegal. Sadly for him, BYU’s archaic rules are something out of 19th century Aamish country. They can’t even drink tea, for crying out loud. Tea? What. The. Uh, heck. Wouldn’t want to talk about the fire and brimstone place and violate The Stain’s strict honor code.