Sure, it’s easy to pile onto Justin Bieber. He does seem to go out of his way to make himself as detestable as possible with his behavior. Generally speaking, we stick to sports over here and leave the social commentary on entitled teen pop star d-bags to sites like TMZ where people can actually make a living. But the opportunity for some fun here is just too strong to resist.
Many celebrities, especially those as insufferably satisfied with themselves as Bieber is, fancy themselves athletes too. Well, if the Biebs was, here are a few play by play calls I wouldn’t mind hearing.
“The Sabres bring it into the neutral zone and…wait! We have a fight! It’s John Scott and Justin Bieber. The Biebs is giving away 14 inches and about 120 pounds, but he does have pretty hair…”
“The Biebs, yo-yoing the ball up and down, fakes left and drives the lane, and OOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!! Is that…Charles Oakley!? It appears Charles Oakley just came out of retirement to protect the paint, and Bieber is in the 27th row! Not sure if they called that a foul or a homicide!”
“We’re here at the Sports Science Institute. Today, we’re going to examine what happens to the human body when a defensive lineman nails a quarterback. Jadaveon Clowney has graciously volunteered to be our DE, and as part of his probation, Justin Bieber is our quarterback. Of course, we’ll have to run this play several hundred times to make sure we have all the angles covered.”
“Welcome to the 120 meter high dive competition. As part of his dive, Justin Bieber is going to put on a blindfold. That might mean he can’t see right now that The Stain’s Torsten Sporn is trying frantically to empty the pool of all its water…”
Got any ideas that are better than mine? That’s what we have a comments section for, folks!