December 12–14, 2025 — The Remote Is Doing Cardio
December is not messing around. Every sport has decided “What if we all played at once?” and now your weekend looks like a bad multiverse timeline where football, basketball, lacrosse, soccer, hockey, and fistfighting all overlap on purpose.
This is Peak Remote Stress Season.
Let’s embrace it.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Three divisions. Twelve games. Zero mercy.
FCS Quarterfinals
Friday
• Stephen F. Austin at Montana State — 7:00 PM ET (ESPN)
Bozeman in December: where football dreams freeze before they die.
Saturday
• Villanova at Tarleton State — 10:00 AM ET (ESPN)
Breakfast football should always come with playoff implications.
• South Dakota at Montana — 1:30 PM ET (ABC)
Montana’s defense hasn’t allowed a clean breath since Week 2.
• Illinois State at UC Davis — 3:00 PM ET (ESPN+)
The “quiet” quarterfinal that will probably end up the wildest because FCS refuses to act normal.
Division II Playoffs — Semifinals (Corrected)
Saturday — ESPN+
• Newberry at No. 1 Ferris State — 10:00 AM
Ferris State is a machine built to ruin someone’s season every December.
• Harding at Kutztown — 1:30 PM
This is where it belongs — DII.
Harding runs more option than a 1997 playbook. Kutztown hits like they’re trying to win two games at once.
Division III Playoffs — Quarterfinals
Saturday — All ESPN+
• John Carroll at Berry — 10:00 AM
• Susquehanna at Johns Hopkins — 10:00 AM
• Bethel (MN) at North Central — 11:00 AM
• Wheaton at Wisconsin–River Falls — 1:00 PM
DIII football is an absolute fever dream. Someone is going to fake a punt from their own 12. Someone else is going to go for two simply because “why not?”
Army–Navy
Saturday — 3:00 PM ET (CBS)
The only game where eight total passes still feels like poetry.
NFL — SUNDAY
Meaningful December football, or at least something pretending to be.
• Bills at Patriots — 1:00 PM ET (CBS)
Buffalo should win. Which obviously means they might not.
• Packers at Broncos — 4:25 PM ET (CBS)
Two teams that flip a chaos coin every week.
• Rams at Lions — 4:25 PM ET (FOX)
A shootout disguised as a football game.
• Colts (Philip Rivers!!) at Seahawks — 4:25 PM ET (CBS/FOX)
Rivers is back to scream at safeties and throw touch passes no one else would attempt.
NBA CUP — SEMIFINALS
Vegas, where every franchise suddenly pretends this trophy matters more than their regular season.
Saturday — Prime Video
• Spurs vs Thunder — 7:00 PM ET
OKC is 24–1 and acting like this is their tournament.
• Knicks vs Magic — 8:30 PM ET
Knicks fans are already planning the parade. Orlando is here to ruin someone’s weekend.
NHL
Hockey: where chaos and skill hold hands and sprint into the boards.
Friday
• Lightning at Islanders — 7:00 PM ET (ESPN+)
Saturday
• Flyers at Hurricanes — 7:00 PM ET (ESPN+)
Philly brings chaos. Carolina brings structure. Something’s gotta give.
Sunday
• Kraken at Canucks — 8:00 PM ET (ESPN+)
• Coyotes at Kings — 10:30 PM ET (ESPN+)
For the real night owls.
NLL — WEEK 2
The most fun you can have watching grown men run into each other at 20 mph.
Friday
• Calgary at Vancouver — 10:00 PM ET
Saturday
• Rochester at Georgia — 6:00 PM
• Toronto at Albany — 7:00 PM
• Buffalo at Halifax — 7:00 PM
• Panther City at San Diego — 10:00 PM
Sunday
• New York at Colorado — 5:00 PM
Every game is a banger. No notes.
SOCCER
Morning caffeine delivery system.
• Chelsea vs Everton — Sunday, 9:00 AM ET (Peacock)
Chelsea are performing a long-term science experiment. Everton are performing a cry for help.
• Bologna vs Juventus — Sunday, 2:45 PM ET (Paramount+)
Juve wins by not losing. Bologna plays like they’re tired of that narrative.
UFC FIGHT NIGHT — ROYVAL VS KAPE
Saturday — Prelims 7:00 PM, Main Card 10:00 PM (ESPN2/ESPN+)
Royval fights like he’s double-parked.
Kape fights like he’s here for the performance bonus.
This one might not last long — but neither will your nerves.
THE REMOTE PLAN
Your survival depends on discipline.
FRIDAY
7:00 — FCS: SFA at Montana State
10:00 — NLL: Calgary at Vancouver
Side screen: NHL if your heart rate drops
SATURDAY MORNING
10:00 — Villanova/Tarleton
Second screen — DIII madness
Third screen — Ferris State being Ferris State
SATURDAY AFTERNOON (UPDATED)
1:30 — South Dakota/Montana (Main)
Second — Harding at Kutztown (DII Semifinal)
Third — Any DIII game refusing to end
3:00 — Army–Navy takes over the main screen
Second — Illinois State/UC Davis
SATURDAY NIGHT CHAOS
7:00 — Spurs/Thunder (Main)
8:30 — Knicks/Magic (Main 2 if you have picture-in-picture)
Second — NLL early games
Third — UFC Prelims
10:00 — UFC Main Card (Main), NLL late game (Second)
SUNDAY
9:00 AM — Chelsea/Everton
1:00 — Bills/Patriots
4:25 — Rams–Lions OR Colts–Seahawks (flip if Rivers is cooking)
5:00 — NLL: New York at Colorado
8:00 — Kraken/Canucks
10:30 — Coyotes/Kings to finish the weekend off a cliff
The Stain Sports 